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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25954510">Stars Around My Scars</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ben_Solo_Good_Boy_Sweater_Emporium/pseuds/Ben_Solo_Good_Boy_Sweater_Emporium'>Ben_Solo_Good_Boy_Sweater_Emporium</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, First Time, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Dyad (Star Wars), I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Mental Anguish, One True Pairing, Romantic Soulmates, Slow Romance, Smuggler Ben Solo, Soft Ben Solo, Talking, The Force Ships It, Virgin Ben Solo, Virgin Rey (Star Wars)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 08:07:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>37,125</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25954510</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ben_Solo_Good_Boy_Sweater_Emporium/pseuds/Ben_Solo_Good_Boy_Sweater_Emporium</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Instead of fleeing from Luke Skywalker's Jedi temple and turning to Snoke, what if Ben Solo had instead gone to his father and become a smuggler, shutting himself off from the Force?</p><p>And what if seven years later, he happened to be stealing a ship on Jakku when he met a certain Force-sensitive scavenger?</p><p>A SW:ST Canonverse AU.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rey/Ben Solo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>312</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>334</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Numerous OTPS Infinite Fandoms</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>“He who saves a single life, saves the world entire.”</p><p>~The Talmud</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben Solo really kriffing hates this ship.</p><p>He hates the way it smells. Hates the skim coat of grime on absolutely every surface. Even when he was a kid, all it took was a couple of hours inside the filthy heap before he was itching for a long, hot shower.</p><p>Mostly he hates it because his father loves it so much, though he would never, <em>ever</em> admit to being jealous of a glorified trash pile. The way Han swells with pride every time he tells the stupid Kessel Run story—which probably isn’t even true—sets Ben’s teeth on edge. <em>He never looks like that talking about me.</em></p><p>All of which is to say that it is superbly ironic he’s even here right now—on Jakku, of all places. Jakku, in the ass-end of the Western Reaches. If there’s a more depressing or Force-forsaken place in any region of the galaxy, Ben hasn’t yet had the misfortune of visiting it.</p><p>He should have followed his first instincts and just beaten the hell out of the Er’Kit who failed to deliver their agreed-upon price. Ben went to a lot of trouble getting the black-market med supplies the Er’Kit was after. He had a hunch all along the sleemo planned to stiff him and re-sell the stuff at a premium, probably to the Resistance. It’s no secret to anyone how desperate the Resistance is these days, how they will pay absurdly high prices for the things they need to survive. Ben wants nothing to do with them, no matter how tempting the profit margins might be.</p><p>But then the short, blue bastard had to offer up information in lieu of full payment, something he claimed the infamous Han Solo would absolutely want to know. “How’d you like the location of the <em>Millennium Falcon</em>, sure? That’d be worth at least a few crates of bacta suits, sure?”</p><p>And the thing is, Han <em>would</em> want to retrieve his stolen ship more than he would want nearly any amount of credits. Ben knows how much he wants it back. That knowledge made it both easier and supremely irritating to accept the Er’Kit’s bargain. It’s as if he’s about to bring home a prodigal sibling he was actually glad to be rid of.</p><p>Because that’s what he’s doing right now, slipping through the darkness on the outskirts of a barely-there shantytown the locals call Niima Outpost. He hasn’t stolen a ship in years, hasn’t needed to. It took a little planning to figure the details out, what with Han and Chewie both occupied by another job, delivering live rathtars to King Prana in the Kaboryth cluster. That job is absolute lunacy. Ben told Han so in no uncertain terms and he’s glad to have nothing to do with it. But he’s gonna be furious if he goes to all the trouble of boosting this freighter and then finds out Han got himself eaten in the meantime.</p><p>He imagines creative ways he might dispose of the <em>Falcon</em> as he silently approaches its entry ramp. He could blow it up in his father’s memory, a massive symbolic funeral pyre. Or he could find an uninhabited section of Corellia, despised birthplace of both Han and his ship, and scuttle it there in a blaze of glory. The circle of life and so forth. That idea makes him snort, but without any real amusement.</p><p>The freighter looks long grounded. He can just make out a set of tattered tarps hanging over the hull. They flutter and snap in the fierce, hot wind slicing off the dunes. Fortunately, there don’t seem to be any guards monitoring what passes for a landing field. Ben’s intel is that the <em>Falcon</em> is currently claimed by a petty racketeer, a junk boss by the name of Plutt.</p><p>It’s hard to maneuver as nimbly as he would like through the sand. He hates sand. It’s one of the many reasons he avoids miserable desert planets like Jakku. With every step, he can feel the grit layer that has somehow accumulated inside his boots, though how quite so much made it in there he will never understand.</p><p>There are a few, solar-powered lanterns flickering along the edge of the settlement, but it’s late and there’s nothing that might be termed “nightlife” in Niima Outpost. The daylight hours are so long this time of year that most reasonable, non-nocturnal species take advantage of what darkness they can to sleep. Ben isn’t exactly letting his guard down, but he’s more confident with each passing minute that he’ll be light-years away before Plutt knows his stolen ship has been stolen back.</p><p>Strange that the ramp is down, but there are no panels on anywhere he can see inside. A thought tempts him, the same one that always curls around his brain whenever he’s in a similar situation. <em>Maybe I should…what could it hurt? It’s been so long. Surely it’s safe now.</em> But it isn’t safe, even now, even all these years later, and he crushes the notion as brutally as he always does. He’ll survive on his wits and his strength, or he won’t. Which outcome almost doesn’t matter to him anymore.</p><p>The corridor smells exactly like he remembers, stale and more than a little acrid. He doesn’t care to consider the possible causes; the candidates are many and all bad. He knows the layout of the <em>Falcon</em> intimately. How many times has he found himself endlessly circling through these passageways, in dreams and nightmares?</p><p>It’s perfectly still as he turns right at the top of the ramp and heads down the tunnel that dead ends at the cockpit. By the meager moonlight shining through the viewport, Ben surveys the controls. He’s only going to have one shot at takeoff before Niima Outpost knows what he’s doing. If he powers the <em>Falcon</em> up and only then discovers that life support systems have been disconnected, or the hyperdrive has been removed, or the grav generator—there are a lot of bad scenarios he’d rather not have to deal with sans co-pilot, particularly if he’s being chased at the same time.</p><p>He immediately spots shoddy alterations. A compressor on the ignition line? Who would be dumb enough to install that? The stress on the hyperdrive could be enough to blow the ship apart. Plutt must be a bigger idiot than Ben already assumes, leaving an unguarded vessel open to the night. And he absolutely is, because he also jury-rigged a fuel pump, and badly at that. Of all the ridiculous, nonsensical…Ben curses savagely as he tries to figure out the correct priming sequence.</p><p>There’s no help for it. He’ll just have to wing it. He’s on his own, as always. The resignation and bitterness are as automatic now as blinking. With a few deep, steadying breaths—the last remnants of the old training—he launches into the pre-flight checklist. He’s known how to do this since he was a child, already had the routine down by the time they sent him away. Twenty long years ago.</p><p>He powers up the consoles, toggling the switch that seals the exterior hatch. It’s tricky to do the entire procedure without anyone in the adjoining seat, but he has long arms so he can manage with minimal effort. It takes a few seconds to sort out the moronic fuel pump (<em>honestly why would anyone ever</em>…?) and by the time he’s certain he has it, lights are coming on in the largest structure by the field.</p><p>Whomever he has woken is too late. The freighter lifts easily off the sand and within seconds is spiraling into the blackness of space. He sets a course for the nearest jump point and calculates a flight plan to rendezvous with Han and Chewie.<em> Good riddance, Jakku. Here’s hoping we never see each other again.</em></p><p>He isn’t sure whether to be relieved or disappointed that the entire enterprise came off without a hitch. It’s all predictably boring. He hardly has time to well with self-pity, though, before a sharp, painful crack across the neck knocks him so far forward that his face bounces off the flight controls.</p><p>Anyone who knows Ben Solo knows how famously hard his head is. He’s furious to be caught unawares, yes, but he’s nowhere close to unconscious. Licking blood off his teeth, he rears up from the pilot’s chair, blaster already out and cocked. This time, he’s ready for the lightning-fast blur of a quarterstaff as it whistles past his ear. But he is astonished by his assailant.</p><p>It’s not one of Plutt’s hired thugs, nor any of the dodgy militia members Ben surveilled earlier today. It’s a human woman, young but strong. Her face is contorted in fury. She’s swinging at him again and he is almost—<em>almost</em>—distracted enough to get hit. Where did she come from? How the hell did she get onboard? Why didn’t he hear her sneaking up on him? The <em>Falcon</em> is rapidly approaching the hyperspace lane and he doesn’t have time for anything but to aim the blaster and stun her into submission. She looks comically surprised before slumping to the floor of the compartment.</p><p>He slings the would-be assassin over his shoulder and carries her down to the lounge. Laying her across the bench, Ben carefully secures her hands with bundles of loose cording he finds stashed under the technical station. For good measure, he tethers her wrist bindings to the base of the dejarik table. He can't deal with this right now.</p><p>So much for without a hitch.</p><p>~~~~~</p><p><br/>He knows what she’s doing the second the racket starts. The woman is obviously trying to kick the top straight off the dejarik table to free herself. She doesn’t lack for courage and he prefers her straightforward approach—the noiseless attack has left him more unsettled than he’d like to admit—but she’s unlucky enough to have targeted the one thing in this entire ship he actually gives a damn about. His few fond memories of the <em>Falcon</em> all involve Chewie teaching him to play holochess on that table. In retrospect, the Wookie was probably just distracting him so he couldn’t report on Han’s worst offenses.</p><p>“Knock it off!” he roars and the rhythmic stomping pauses for an instant, before picking up at an even more frantic pace. She must be afraid he’s about to come charging down the hall. Engaging the hyperdrive, he does just that.</p><p>“I said, knock it off!” he repeats. “You break that table and it’s coming out of your hide.” He has no idea why he says such a thing, except that it’s a vaguely menacing threat Han always used on him.</p><p>She’s still on the bench where he left her but sitting up, boots braced on the table rim. She’s leaning as far back as she can to get the necessary leverage for kicking, with the result that her hands are an angry red from pulling her restraints too tight.</p><p>“You’re gonna hurt yourself,” he points out, nodding at her swelling wrists.</p><p>“Better me than you,” she responds defiantly. She has an accent he can’t quite place. Must be a Jakku thing.</p><p>“I’m not going to hurt you. Unless you damage that table more,” he adds darkly.</p><p>She snorts and nods her head in mock agreement, prompting him to point out, “Excuse me, but I’m the one with a concussion and a split lip here.”</p><p>“You’re a thief,” she accuses.</p><p>“Wrong again.”</p><p>“Are we not sitting on a ship you just stole? My mistake.” She’s bold, he’ll give her that.</p><p>“This ship was already stolen. I’m returning it to its rightful owner.”</p><p>She blanches. “You work for the Irving Boys?” When he doesn’t answer, she presses, “Ducain?”</p><p>“I have no idea who any of those people are. I said I’m taking the ship to its actual owner.”</p><p>“And who would that be?”</p><p>He hesitates. Jakku is the edge of nowhere. What are the chances…?</p><p>“A guy named Han Solo,” he admits.</p><p>The woman’s whole face transforms. Kriff.</p><p>“Han Solo? The smuggler? Is this…the <em>Millennium Falcon</em>? I always thought it was a total piece of garbage—”</p><p>“You weren’t wrong,” he murmurs under his breath.</p><p>“—but <em>this</em> is the ship that made the Kessel—”</p><p>“Don’t,” he snaps, stabbing a warning finger in her direction. Her open expression slams shut again. He regrets his tone. That’s new.</p><p>“Listen,” he begins, but he’s interrupted by the sound of an alarm blaring in the cockpit. He glances back in confusion.</p><p>“Are we in hyperspace?” the woman asks suddenly.</p><p>At his nod she demands, “Let me loose, now! It’s probably an electrical overload caused by—”</p><p>“The compressor,” he snarls. Why hadn’t he remembered? Oh, yeah. He was busy being nearly decapitated.</p><p>“You’ve got the blaster, okay? You’re the one calling the shots. But if you don’t let me go stop that overload, there’ll be pieces of your precious table floating through three systems.”</p><p>Ben slides a knife from inside his boot—his weapon of last resort—not missing the way her eyes widen as he does so. He slices her wrists free and steps back, gesturing in exaggerated invitation toward the cockpit. Looking uneasily at the blade a final time, she sprints down the corridor.</p><p>By the time he catches up, she’s got a wall panel pulled off and is tugging hard on a shank of multicolored wire. It comes free in her hand and the alarm stops immediately.</p><p>“What did you do?” He’s genuinely curious.</p><p>She regards him warily over her shoulder. “Bypassed the compressor, of course.”</p><p>“Of course.” He jerks his head back toward the lounge. Letting her hang around in the cockpit any longer would not be smart. She’s clever enough to do real damage.</p><p>She doesn’t return meekly to the bench. Instead, they stand on opposite sides of the room, sizing each other up.</p><p>“What’s your name?” he asks.</p><p>“Don’t you recognize me? I’m the Queen of Jakku and you’re in a lot of trouble.” Her face is flushed and he knows the bravado is a mask over her fear. It’s a technique he’s familiar with himself.</p><p>“Hilarious, Your Majesty. How’d you get on my ship?”</p><p>“Your ship? I thought you said this ship belonged to Han Solo. You aren’t actually expecting me to believe that <em>you’re</em> Han Solo? You’d have to be about twice your own age, I think.”</p><p>He really, really doesn’t want to do this. But he’s going to, isn’t he? He hates himself a little. “Han Solo is my father. Now are you going to tell me your name or not?”</p><p>The young woman clearly doesn’t know what to do with that revelation. She seems confused, but then slightly less anxious, which was his ultimate goal. It’s evident she’s heard stories about Han that she likes; maybe knowing Ben is related will buy him a modicum of goodwill, or at least forestall another sneak attack.</p><p>“I’m Rey,” she says.</p><p>“Now that we’ve got that straightened out, Queen Rey, maybe you can enlighten me as to how you got on this ship without my knowing it?”</p><p>She crosses to the bench and sits down. “I was already on it. Before you took it, I mean. Unkar Plutt wanted me to work on the fore deflector shield generator. I was in the maintenance crawlway. I must have fallen asleep. Takeoff woke me up.”</p><p>So that’s why the ramp was down. “You work for Plutt?”</p><p>“That’s a generous way to put it. I spend all day, every day doing his bidding and in exchange he barely keeps me from starving to death.”</p><p>“You’re a scavenger?”</p><p>“Scavenger by day and occasional involuntary ground crew by night.” Her face pinches as if she’s working up the nerve to say something she might regret. “What are you going to do with me? Am I your prisoner? Plutt would laugh in your face if you demanded a ransom or something.”</p><p>Ben leans heavily against the bulkhead. It’s been a long day and his neck is throbbing where she struck him. “I’ve done some sketchy things in my life but kidnapping is not one of them. I didn’t know you were onboard or I would have tossed you off before I left. I’m not interested in holding prisoners or collecting ransoms, thank you very much.”</p><p>She considers this, seems to believe him. “Take me back to Jakku, then.”</p><p>“Sorry, Your Majesty. Jakku will have to struggle along without you, at least for a little while. I’ve got an appointment in the Mid-Rim.” When she jumps up in panic, he placates, “The place we’re going is full of pilots. We’ll book you passage on the next best option back, if that’s what you really want.” Personally, he’d be ecstatic to be abducted out of that wasteland.</p><p>“I don’t have any money,” Rey says flatly. She’s staring at him intently. He understands why she’s nervous. She’s wondering how she’ll be expected to discharge such a debt.</p><p>“You’re here because of me. I’ll take care of getting you back. I’m not a total monster.” He rubs absently at the base of his skull.</p><p>Her shoulders sag in relief, just a fraction but he notices. “You never told me your name,” she says.</p><p>He’s years out of practice making small talk with anyone, but even he sees how rude it would be not to answer. “It’s Ben.”</p><p>“Ben Solo, then?”</p><p>“Yeah, that’s right.”</p><p>She gestures vaguely toward his injury. “Sorry for that, Ben Solo.”</p><p>“Don’t worry about it, Queen Rey of Jakku. Honestly, I’m impressed you got the drop on me. Doesn’t happen often.”</p><p>She smiles, just the tiniest bit, and Ben is transfixed by a glimpse of dimples. What the hell is that about?</p><p>On one level, he knows exactly what it’s about. He’s a grown man. It’s basic biology. Ben’s alone, all the time, always has been. And this woman…she’s beautiful. Even under the sand, sweat and feral attitude, it’s obvious. She’s also tall and slender, and she packs one hell of a wallop, which he finds disturbingly appealing.</p><p>He shakes his head, trying to right his addled brain. “Sorry,” he mumbles. “I should…” He pivots toward the cockpit without bothering to finish the sentence.</p><p>“Ben?” she calls. His name sounds surreal coming so casually from her mouth. “Where are we going? You never said.”</p><p>He shouldn’t tell her anything. Common sense dictates that he behave more cautiously than that. She might try to contact Plutt or Maker knows who else. But he doesn’t think she would do that. He’s only known her a few minutes but somehow, he trusts her. It’s extremely reckless of him and he knows it.</p><p>“We’re headed for a planet in the Tashtor sector. It’s called Takodana.”</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Shocking no one, I couldn't hold out long against your love tsunami of kind, encouraging words. :-)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“May I?” she asks from the cockpit door.</p><p>“I don’t know. Do I have to check you for deadly weapons?” he teases quietly, not shifting his focus from the flight controls. He’s trying to refamiliarize himself with all the <em>Falcon’s</em> idiosyncrasies, in case another emergency erupts. He doesn’t like being unprepared for things and it’s happening too often today.</p><p>“I’m not the one with a giant knife hidden in my clothes,” she retorts mildly, sliding into the co-pilot’s chair. She looks tiny compared to its usual occupant.</p><p>“Fair enough.”</p><p>“What’s on Takodana?” She seems as comfortable as he is, adjusting dials, checking gauges, as though she has flown this ship all her life. It's second nature to her already.</p><p>“Very little. Which, in a way, makes it an ideal place to meet. Hence all the pilots I mentioned.”</p><p>She nods her head knowingly. “I see. You’re a smuggler, too. Jogan doesn’t fall far from the tree, as they say.”</p><p>“Is that what they say? Got a lot of jogan trees on Jakku?”</p><p>Rey doesn’t rise to his bait. “No, but we have a lot of smugglers. You’d fit right in with that lot.”</p><p>“I’m flattered. I’ve never run across a scavenger before. Are they all like you?”</p><p>She ignores his clumsy attempt at banter. “You said you were due to meet someone there.”</p><p>“Yeah, you’re in for a real treat. Han Solo himself awaits on Takodana.”</p><p>She jerks her chair toward him. The dimples make a brief second appearance. “Really? Can I meet him?”</p><p>“Don’t get excited. I’m not sure what you’ve heard but…lower your expectations, okay? For your own good.”</p><p>She scowls at him. At closer range, and in the reflected light of the consoles, he can just detect a band of freckles scattered across her nose. It’s currently wrinkled at him in annoyance. “What’s that supposed to mean?”</p><p>What does he mean? Maker knows he has his own issues with Han, enough baggage to fill the <em>Falcon’s</em> cargo bay, but he’s not getting into that with this stranger, no matter how attractive she is when she’s glaring daggers at him.</p><p>“It means that a legend is not the same thing as a man. If you keep that in mind, you can manage—”</p><p>“Manage what?”</p><p><em>Your constant, crushing disappointment. </em>He doesn’t say it out loud but she takes his meaning just the same. She swivels the chair away with an offended little harrumph.</p><p>The ship’s systems drone and ping around them. Rey crosses her arms tightly, radiating disapproval. Whether it’s directed at Ben, his comments, or the overall situation, he isn’t sure.</p><p>“Tell me about yourself, Queen Rey, First of Her Name.” They have a few hours until planetfall and for someone who has hardly spoken in the past six standard months, he’s unexpectedly ill at ease with the chilly quiet.</p><p>“Why?” she asks suspiciously. Gods, she’s as awkward as he is. He’s tempted to smirk at the frown on her face but she’d probably grab the quarterstaff again.</p><p>“Mainly to pass the time. We won’t be on Takodana for a while. I’d suggest we play dejarik but I think the table may be out of commission.”</p><p>“If it’s really broken, I can fix it,” she says sheepishly.</p><p>“If it <em>isn’t</em> broken, it would be unique on this ship.”</p><p>That makes her defensive. “I’ve done my best to take care of her. Plutt would only let me work on certain jobs. He never gave me free rein or anything. I told him the compressor was a terrible idea. When I argued against it, he got that slimy Qi’tok to do it.”</p><p>“Do I have Qi’tok to thank for the fuel pump, as well?”</p><p>Rey rolls her eyes. “Afraid so.”</p><p>“When we get to Takodana, Chewie will want to go over the entire ship rivet-by-rivet. I’m sure he’d appreciate any insight you can give him into the modifications that have been made over the past few years.”</p><p>She yawns. Ben suddenly remembers that she told him she’d fallen asleep working on repairs deep inside the portside mandible. Maybe after a full day of scavenging in the blistering Jakku heat. “Who’s Chewie?” she asks.</p><p>“Chewbacca. He’s a Wookie. He’s been my father’s best friend and first mate for going on fifty years. Nobody knows the <em>Falcon</em> better. Present company excepted, of course.”</p><p>“I’ve met a few Wookies passing through Niima. I even understand a little Shyriiwook.”</p><p>He’s impressed. It’s not an easy language for a human to pick up. “Then you and Chewie are going to get along famously.” He can’t help adding, “Are you sure you want to rush back to Jakku? Neither of them is getting any younger. They might like to have a fresh pair of eyes around. Keeping this rust bucket in the air is only getting harder as the years pass.”</p><p>Pure joy flashes across her face, then vanishes entirely. “I have to get back,” she mutters. The prospect clearly doesn’t thrill her.</p><p>“Why?” From what he’s heard about scavengers, admittedly all second-hand, they work and live alone, competing viciously for meager resources. So far as he knows, there aren’t any such things as scavenger communities. But maybe what he thinks he knows is wrong. It wouldn’t be the first time.</p><p>“None of your business, that’s why,” she barks.</p><p>He throws up his hands in feigned surrender. “Sorry I asked. I was going to offer to try and get a message through, if you’ve got family or friends that’ll be worried.”</p><p>She looks contrite but says, “I don’t know how that would even work. The only one in Niima with access to that kind of technology would be Plutt, and he certainly wouldn’t deliver any messages for me. He’ll probably think I helped steal the ship.”</p><p>That variable hasn’t occurred to Ben. The longer they talk, the less he thinks she should ever return to Jakku. “Maybe I’ll send that ransom demand after all, just to clear your name.”</p><p>Rey snorts then lapses into silence. She has a strange, faraway look on her face.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” he asks.</p><p>“Nothing,” she murmurs, voice hushed. “I had no idea it would be so…so pretty.” She’s gazing at the icy blue streaks of starlight, slipping around the ship at unimaginable speeds. Her face is a study in awe.</p><p>“This your first time offworld?” he asks gently. She nods, eyelids heavy.</p><p>“Like I said, you might not want to hurry back. There’s a whole galaxy out here to explore. New experiences to have. People to meet.”</p><p>He waits for a response, but she’s snoring lightly in the chair.</p><p>~~~~~</p><p><br/>It’s mid-morning on Takodana when they finally make planetfall. He’s about to wake Rey so she can watch their descent over Nymeve Lake, when he hears her soft intake of breath. “I didn’t know there was this much green in the whole galaxy,” she sighs. He isn’t prepared for such sincerity; it makes his chest unaccountably tight.</p><p>“And here I thought you’d be most impressed by the water.” For the last hour or so, he’s been toying with the idea of sharing an anecdote about his uncle, who grew up on a planet like Jakku. How he once told his nephew that no matter where he went, the one thing he could never get used to was water just lying around, not being hoarded. Even decades after escaping the desert, he still resisted the urge to carry an empty canteen and fill it in every puddle, spring, river, and pond. But ultimately Ben says nothing. Thinking about the past makes him angry.</p><p>They put the <em>Falcon</em> down on a treeless stretch of shoreline on the south side of the lake. Through the port, they have a perfect view of the imposing stone building opposite. “That’s where we’re headed,” he informs her, as if it weren’t self-evident. “Why don’t you go get some fresh air? Don’t go too far from the ship, though. Not all kidnappers are as agreeable as I am.”</p><p>“What about you? Aren’t you coming?”</p><p>“I need to contact Han and make sure he hasn’t gotten himself killed. It’ll only take a few minutes.” Rey’s stomach growls audibly. “Go on. The quicker I reach him, the quicker we can get you breakfast.”</p><p>But he can’t raise Han or Chewie on the comms. Instead, he finds himself watching Rey through the window as she kneels carefully by the water’s edge, scooping up palmfuls of liquid just to dribble each one back into the lake. She’s startled by a darting fish and giggles with delight. Ben realizes he’s smiling.</p><p><em>Stars</em>, he’s in trouble.</p><p>~~~~~</p><p><br/>“What is this place?” she asks, as they follow a path worn through the grass that skirts the shore. The air is hot and perfumed with the scent of summer growth.</p><p>“Everyone calls it ‘Maz’s Castle.’ It’s run by a thousand-year-old pirate named Maz Kanata. She looks small and harmless but trust me, you do <em>not</em> want to get on her bad side.” He huffs. “You two are a lot alike in that regard.”</p><p>Rey takes in the high stone turrets, the rainbow of fluttering pennants stretched across their span, the enormous statue of a female figure with open, welcoming arms. “Is this her house?”</p><p>“It’s a lot of things. Just about anything you might ever need, you can get it here if you have enough credits. Food, drink, a bed for the night, entertainment. If your ship is broken, or your leg, or you need to win a few hands of sabacc to pay for fixing either, Maz is your person. Aren’t there public houses on Jakku? Cantinas?”</p><p>Rey shakes her head emphatically. “Well, there’s one place on the Pilgrim’s Road. It’s called Old Meru’s but it’s nothing at all like this. More of a broken-down tent with a happabore trough.”</p><p>“The Pilgrim’s Road,” he repeats.</p><p>“You know it?” she asks, surprised. “It’s the trail that leads up through the Kelvin Ravine. There are a few small settlements on the far side. We call them the Sacred Villages.”</p><p>“I know of it,” he admits, but doesn’t offer more.</p><p>“I don’t like the villages. They’re eerie. And hostile even by Jakku standards. One is full of people who think the Hutts are gods. If that isn’t crazy enough, another believes the Force is real. And that Jedi actually existed.” Her shoulders shake with laughter.</p><p>“Imagine that.” His hand closes convulsively around the weapon strapped at his hip. Muscle memory.</p><p>They reach the bottom of the steps leading up to the main entrance. Ben grabs her elbow. “Listen, there’s a very strict code enforced here. This is a neutral space, open to anyone willing to abide by Maz’s rules. So just keep your head down, stay close to me, and don’t get into any trouble, alright?”</p><p>“You come here a lot, then?” she calls after him, as he starts up the steps two at a time without waiting for her response.</p><p>“Not for a long time,” he concedes. “But this place never changes.”</p><p>He leads the way through the double doors and into the cool darkness of the main room. Tables are surrounded with travelers from across the galaxy. A hundred different languages fill the air, buoyed by a raucous tune coming from the musicians playing in the corner. Rey bumps his arm as she makes way for a battered serving droid carrying a heavy tray of meals. She’s warm against his sleeve.</p><p>“Beeeeeen Solo!”</p><p>The shout pierces the din, which dies away immediately. Every face turns in their direction, exactly what he did not need.</p><p>Rey is craning her neck, trying to locate the source of the cry. Ben knows she won’t be able to. From this vantage point, all they can see is the motion of the crowd parting. And then a tiny female with burnt-orange skin and enormous, silver-rimmed eye goggles steps into view. The top of her head barely clears Ben’s belt.</p><p>Without speaking another word, she adjusts the lenses on her goggles to their highest possible magnification. She scans Ben up and down, peering especially into his face, then slowly circles all the way around him and Rey. The younger woman looks as if she is unsure whether smiling would be considered impolite.</p><p>Maz Kanata cannot believe whatever she is seeing.</p><p>“My poor child,” she finally moans. “What have you <em>done</em>?”<br/><br/></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Can we not do this right now?” Ben pleads, jaw clenched. He feels the weight of Rey’s curiosity like fingers pressing his cheek. The rest of the crowd has mostly fallen back into carousing but he is hyper-conscious of how exposed he is, tall and standing apart, publicly named.</p><p>Maz is having none of that. “You walk into my place after all these years and you think I won’t ask—?”</p><p>“Rey, this is Maz Kanata. Maz, this is Rey.” Rey nods shyly at the smaller woman as he continues, “This is Rey’s very first time away from Jakku. She’s tired and hungry. I told her she was in luck, because we’re at the most hospitable way station in the galaxy. Don’t make a liar out of me, Maz. Please?”</p><p>“We’re not through here,” she responds, wagging a finger up at him. A half-dozen mismatched bracelets jangle on her wrist. She turns to Rey. “And don’t think I don’t have questions for you, too, Rey from Jakku. Both of you, follow me.”</p><p>She guides them to a table in the far back, partially concealed by an alcove from any prying visual organs in the room. Settling herself in the plushest chair, she says offhandedly, “I knew you were coming.”</p><p>“I didn’t realize fortune telling was among your many talents.”</p><p>She frowns. “You have been terrible at humor since the day you were born, boy. Tragic, really. I see you’ve finally grown into the ears, at least. That’s an improvement.” Rey gives a little snicker she tries to cover by coughing into her fist. Ben ignores it.</p><p>“Han sent a message. I received it yesterday. Rathtars, really? At his age?”</p><p>“Says the woman already seven centuries old when the High Republic was born,” he counters lightly.</p><p>Maz narrows her eyes at him. “Tragic,” she repeats drily, so he knows she’s warming toward him. “And for the record, it wasn’t as wonderful as everyone says it was.”</p><p>The serving droid begins covering the table with platters of meats, sauces, and fruits. They haven’t ordered anything; Maz apparently signaled without their realizing. Ben glances at Rey to find her mouth hanging open at so much abundance. He nudges her leg under the table. She’s embarrassed to be caught gaping and flushes pink.</p><p>Maz is studying him carefully. She gives him a shrewd look and an irritating little smile. “Rey from Jakku, what brings you to my establishment?”</p><p>Rey’s mouth is already crammed with an entire hunk of cushnip so Ben answers. “I got a tip that the <em>Falcon</em> was on Jakku. Didn’t realize there was a stowaway onboard until I was halfway to the Mid-Rim. I’ll need to arrange her passage back, if any of these crews are headed to that side of the Reaches.”</p><p>Maz looks dubious, as if she doesn’t believe his story. She keeps glancing between him and Rey, trying to work out a puzzle he can’t perceive. “A chance encounter, then? Huh. The Force works in mysterious ways. But then, you know that.”</p><p>“The Force?” Rey interjects, still chewing. “You believe in the Force?”</p><p>“Don’t you, child?” Maz responds smoothly. “It believes in you.”</p><p>“What did Han’s message say?” Ben is realizing too late that he should have left Rey on the <em>Falcon</em>, brought the food to her. This exchange is making him decidedly tense.</p><p>If Maz sees through his effort to redirect her, she doesn’t let on. “He said they ran into some unexpected difficulties. Something about a Guavian Death Gang? Or maybe it was Kanjiklub. Possibly both, I forget the details. I wouldn’t expect to see him here anytime soon.”</p><p>“I told him that job was suicide. He listened as well as he ever does.”</p><p>“At least you’re on speaking terms again. How’s your mother, I wonder?”</p><p>He does not want to do this in front of Rey. “I’m sure you know better than I do,” he snaps.</p><p>“You’re going to have to see her again sometime, Ben Solo. Make things right between you. With your uncle, too.”</p><p>Ben stands up so suddenly his chair nearly tips. Rage chokes him. “I really don’t,” he snarls. “Stay and finish your meal, Rey. I need some air.” Part of him is screaming a warning not to leave Rey alone with Maz; who knows what they’ll talk about in his absence? But if he doesn’t walk away right now, he’s going to say or do something he’ll regret.</p><p>He doesn’t even make it back to the doors before Maz is latching on to his wrist. “Oh no, you don’t!”</p><p>She darts around him, climbing the short staircase that leads down from the entry, so she is more nearly at his eyelevel. “Ben, child, stop. I haven’t seen you in years. I’ve heard bits and pieces from Han and Chewie, from your mother. I want to hear <em>your</em> story. Why have you done this hideous thing to yourself?”</p><p>Blood is pounding in his ears. “I am not having this particular chat in the middle of a tavern, Maz. I told Han meeting here was a mistake. He didn’t listen to me about that, either. Since he isn’t coming, I just need to get Rey on a safe transport back to Jakku, then I’m out of here.”</p><p>Maz is shaking her head in disbelief before he finishes the sentence. “You can’t even see it, can you? Of course you can’t. You’ve cut yourself off, so you can’t recognize it in her.”</p><p>A tiny tremor runs down his spine. A wisp of fear. A flicker of hope.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“You know exactly what I mean. The Force. That girl is radiant with it. Maybe the strongest I ever saw, outside of a certain thick-headed Chandrilan boy I used to rock to sleep. It was no accident that the two of you came together on Jakku.”</p><p>“That’s…you’re wrong,” he protests. Is he imagining the persistent tug that draws his gaze back toward the table? Whether he is or not, Rey’s chair is empty.</p><p>He’s lost her already.</p><p>~~~~~</p><p><br/>The storage areas under the castle once served as catacombs for Jedi knights of old. Ben remembers playing down here when he was small. While Han and Chewie were upstairs losing at cards and generally making poor life choices, Maz would entertain him with stories of a great battle between the Jedi and Sith, fought on this very ground a millennium ago. He doesn’t think she was actually present, but the images burned into his memory are so vivid it’s as if he was.</p><p>Now she is all business, plunging down the dim corridor as if she knows exactly where she’s going. He wishes, not for the first time, that he could still sense the universe around him the way he used to, the way Maz is doing right now.</p><p>“She’s just ahead. I can feel her,” she reassures him.</p><p>As they approach, Rey comes flying out of the farthest vault, tripping over her own feet in her haste and ending up sprawled on the floor in front of them. She looks terrified.</p><p>When she spots them, she scrambles up, apologizing to the older woman. “I shouldn’t have gone in there. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…what was that?” Ben has no idea what she’s talking about, but Maz clearly does.</p><p>“Something I’ve been saving. For him, actually.” She jerks her head toward Ben then lifts off her goggles. “That lightsaber was built by his grandfather. And now it calls to you. Perhaps it calls to both of you, but only one chooses to hear.”</p><p>She steps into the room Rey fled. It’s piled with crates and treasures no doubt stolen from systems far and near. Ben watches as she pulls a thick silver cylinder from the small case Rey left open. She offers it up to Ben. He’s never seen it in person but given Maz’s explanation, he knows the importance of what he’s holding.</p><p>“Just like old times, no?” Maz jokes mildly when he grips the hilt.</p><p>Lightsaber be damned. “Are you alright?” he asks Rey. She’s still shaking and breathing heavily. “What happened?”</p><p>“When you both left the table, I heard something strange. A kind of crying. I don’t know why, but I knew I had to follow it. It led me down here to that box. When I touched the…the lightsaber? I saw things. Strange things that felt real. They scared me.”</p><p>He wants to ask what she saw, but visions are deeply personal experiences. Whatever she was shown was intended for her alone. <em>Unless Maz is right and the saber really was calling to both of us.</em></p><p>“Why don’t we go back upstairs so you can finish eating? Then if Maz will be so kind as to give us lodging for the night, you can get cleaned up and get some rest. There aren’t any ships headed toward Jakku today, anyway.” He gives Maz a pointed stare, defying her to contradict him. She doesn’t.</p><p>“What’s going on, Ben? What just happened to me? The things I saw—were those the future?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” he answers honestly. “But I know we can’t figure it out on no sleep and an empty stomach. Come on.”<br/><br/></p><p>~~~~~</p><p><br/>Their rooms on the highest floor of the northern tower open onto a wall walk, once used by those patrolling the castle perimeter. Ben always loved climbing the parapet to watch the sky change color over the lake as night fell. He hasn’t enjoyed this view in more than a decade.</p><p>It’s late afternoon when Rey emerges, wearing a loose green tunic that Maz must have loaned her. Her hair is damp from bathing. She scrambles up into the embrasure next to his. Their feet nearly meet in the center.</p><p>“Are you going to tell me what’s going on, or are you gonna make me drag it out of you? And please don’t insult my intelligence by pretending you don’t understand what I mean.”</p><p>He likes her honesty. It’s refreshing to deal with someone who says exactly what they’re thinking, without pretense or evasion.</p><p>“I don’t completely understand what’s going on. That’s the truth.”</p><p>“Before, when I was telling you about the Sacred Villages, and I was joking about how ridiculous it was to believe in the Force or think that such a thing as Jedi ever existed, you didn’t stop me.”</p><p>He stares out over the water. “It seemed like too big of a topic to cover in the twenty seconds before we got to the door,” he quips. “What could I say? <em>Well, woman I just met, the Force </em>is<em> real. I know this for a fact because my family has some of the most powerful Force-sensitives known to the galaxy. Now what’ll you have for breakfast?</em>”</p><p>“Is that true? About your family?”</p><p>He’d rather jump off this tower than answer her question. He sighs heavily. It sounds melodramatic, even to his own ears. “Ever heard of Luke Skywalker?”</p><p>She nods. “Do you know him, too? I thought he was a myth.”</p><p>“Uncle,” he says. It’s all he can manage.</p><p>“The one you aren’t speaking to? The one Maz thinks you should make peace with?”</p><p>“Maz will be a thousand years older before that happens,” he spits.</p><p>Her face creases in confusion. “So Han and Luke are brothers, then?”</p><p>He works at a loose stone with the toe of his boot. “Brothers through marriage. My mother is Luke’s twin sister.”</p><p>Rey leans her head back against the merlon. The wind rising up the castle wall lifts her hair in a soft cloud around her face. Her skin is golden in the light of the setting sun. As distasteful as this conversation is, he knows he won’t end it.</p><p>“And you’re not speaking with her, either? For the same reason you’re so angry at Luke?”</p><p>He looks at her steadily but doesn’t respond.</p><p>“Look, I know none of this is any of my business,” she says. “It just…feels important, somehow. I can’t really explain it better than that.”</p><p>“Tell me something about yourself,” he demands abruptly. “If you want to hear my whole life story, it only seems fair that you share, too.”</p><p>She shrugs. “There’s nothing to tell. As far as I know, I’ve lived on Jakku my entire life. I’ve been a scavenger in Niima for as long as I can remember. I have no family.” She’s nearly whispering as she finishes.</p><p>“They died?” he prompts gently.</p><p>“I don’t know. I don’t remember anything about them. I’ve always hoped they’ll come back for me someday but…”</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>Rey gives him a tight smile. “It’s funny, I’ve always wanted a family and never got one. You’ve got a famous family you don’t seem to want.”</p><p>He chuckles darkly. “If you want them, you’re welcome to them. But I’d think long and hard about it if I were you. I have a strict ‘no returns’ policy.”</p><p>That makes her laugh. It’s a soothing sound that relaxes something inside him. He wants to make her laugh again.</p><p>“That lightsaber? Maz said your grandfather built it.”</p><p>Ben can’t catch a break today. “Yeah. My grandfather. Father of the twins. Arguably one of the greatest Jedi who ever lived. Hero of the Clone Wars. His name was Anakin Skywalker.” He shifts on the rock, uncomfortable. “At least, that’s what I was told for the first twenty-plus years of my life. Such a proud family legacy. Except it was all a huge lie. For half his life, my grandfather went by a different name. A slightly better known one. Darth Vader.”</p><p>Her eyes blow wide.</p><p>“Turns out the only thing he was better at than being a Jedi was being a mass-murdering Sith lord. There are even rumors he killed my grandmother. Who knows if they’re true?”</p><p>“I…I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry.” He waves off her offer of sympathy. “I don’t actually know what a Sith is but it sounds bad.”</p><p>“It is. Bad.” Dusk is creeping over the forest. He stifles a yawn.</p><p>“When was the last time you slept?” she asks, voice low with concern. He can’t immediately remember. What planet was he on before Jakku?</p><p>“Okay then, that answers that. Time for sleep.” She hops down from the embrasure. While they’ve talked, her hair has dried into long honey-brown curls. He has an irrational urge to coil one around his fingertip.</p><p>She waits for him to slide off the parapet and they walk together to the doors of their rooms. As he steps inside she blurts, “Can I ask you one more thing? You said your family is full of people who have the Force, or feel it, or whatever. Your grandfather and your uncle.” She hesitates, gnawing on her lower lip. “Do you?”</p><p>He’s known this woman all of one day. How in the kriffing hell did he end up here so fast?</p><p>“I used to,” he confesses. “I don’t anymore.”</p><p>And he closes the door behind him.<br/><br/></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>An enormous flock of violet birds careens onto the surface of the lake, squawking loudly. He used to know what they were called but when he reaches for the name he can no longer find it. The forest is alive with sound, birdsong and insect buzz and the quavering trill of a once-favorite furry tree dweller. He’s forgotten it, too.</p><p>It’s barely daybreak as Ben boards the <em>Falcon</em>. He didn’t get much sleep last night, not after that conversation with Rey. Not that he’s ever slept particularly well. He’s still trying to figure out why he told her about his family, allowed her to know something that causes him such profound shame.</p><p>He follows the curve of the corridor, through the lounge and around to the section of the ship set aside for sleeping quarters. In the smallest of the compartments, he kneels down on the floor and reaches under the lowest bunk. The knife from his boot is the perfect tool to pry loose a small panel almost invisible from view in the darkness. It takes him seconds to retrieve what he’s after, a silver cylinder just like the one clipped to his belt.</p><p>Her sharp intake of breath is his first clue that Rey is behind him.</p><p>“What the—” He nearly falls to the ground, twisting around as sharply as he does. “Are you part witch? Stop sneaking up on me!”</p><p>“I didn’t mean to,” she retorts. “I thought…”</p><p>He replaces the panel and straightens up. There is barely enough space for both of them in the tiny room. “You thought what?”</p><p>“I thought you were leaving. Without m—without telling me.”</p><p>She’s wearing her own clothes but her arm wraps are missing and her hair is undone. She looks disheveled, as if she left the castle in a hurry. Her breathing is labored, too. As if she ran all the way here. His annoyance evaporates.</p><p>“I wouldn’t do that,” he says quietly. “I won’t. I promise.”</p><p>She gives him a small nod, a silent affirmation of belief. Then she glances at the object he’s holding. “Do you collect those or something?”</p><p>“Worse than that. This one was mine.” He steps past her and heads back to the lounge, calling over his shoulder, “How did you even know where I was?”</p><p>“I…don’t laugh, okay? I just had a feeling.”</p><p>
  <em>The Force. That girl is radiant with it. </em>
</p><p>Does Maz always have to be right? It’s fairly annoying.</p><p>“A feeling?” he prompts, making an effort to keep his voice neutral.</p><p>“I woke up and I just…I knew you weren’t there. You had to be headed for the <em>Falcon</em> if you were leaving the planet, so I got dressed and came here.”</p><p>He’s trying to figure out how to probe a little more deeply about her “feeling” without revealing too much, when the rest of her words hit home. She didn’t want him to leave. She ran all the way to the ship to stop him from going, or at least say good-bye. He has no idea what to think about that so he mentally shoves it aside. He’ll figure it out later.</p><p>“That lightsaber was yours, then? Back when you ‘used to’ have the Force?”</p><p>“Something like that,” he mutters.</p><p>“Did you make it yourself?”</p><p>“I did.” Just as young Anakin Skywalker built the saber hanging at his waist. Even without the Force, he is aware of it there. It’s heavier than it should be, dragging at him like an anchor on a boat. Weighing down his soul. He spent most of last night staring at it on his bedside table, wondering how many innocents met their fate along its searing edges.</p><p>“If you don’t want to talk about it, just tell me and I’ll shut up.”</p><p>“I doubt that very much.” He flops down in the technical station chair, stretching out his legs. “Okay, here’s the short version. Practically from the time I was born, it was clear that I was going to be very, very powerful with the Force. And since one galactic war criminal is enough for any family, they all felt the need to keep me under constant surveillance. They were afraid I was a bad seed, you see? That I would suddenly snap and murder them all, like my grandfather maybe, possibly murdered my grandmother. My parents avoided me as much as they could. My father was terrified of me. When I was ten, they gave up entirely and shipped me to Luke for ‘training.’ From then on, I was his problem to deal with.”</p><p>Rey has climbed onto the dejarik table and is listening raptly. She makes no move to interrupt so he continues. It feels like lancing a boil. There’s pain, but also some relief.</p><p>“Luke ran this school. He was trying to rebuild the Jedi order and I was his crown jewel. I was stuck there for thirteen years, never really fitting in or having any friends. The other students treated me about as well as my family did and Luke was harder on me than he was on any of them, because he didn’t want to be accused of playing favorites. And he couldn’t risk producing a second Vader, now could he? I guess he figured the best way to avoid that was to isolate and control me.” He hates how small and vulnerable he sounds.</p><p>“What made you finally leave?”</p><p>He has a sudden flash of memory: Luke’s face, bathed in green light and twisted with undisguised loathing.</p><p>“We had a disagreement,” he says flatly. “And it was the last thing I was willing to put up with. I left the school and I haven’t seen or spoken to him since. My mother didn’t believe me, took his side, and that was the last I spoke to her.”</p><p>“How long ago was that?”</p><p>“Nearly seven years.” He’s fixated on the saber, turning it round and round in his long fingers. It was the only thing he truly loved about being a Jedi but now he can hardly stand to hold it. “That’s the downside of family, Rey. You get so used to living in the shadow of other people’s mistakes that maybe it makes it a little easier than it ought to be to just give up and make a bunch of your own. I may be a good-for-nothing smugger but at least I’m not Darth Vader, right?” He tries to play it off as a joke but she winces. He can almost hear Maz now. <em>Tragic, really</em>.</p><p>“Let’s go outside,” she suggests. “It’s feeling a bit oppressive in here, yeah?”</p><p>The sun is higher, sparkling across the water. “It’s all so beautiful. Better than anything I ever dreamed. Even the animals are gorgeous. Just look at those birds. What color would you call that? I don’t think I’ve seen anything that color before.”</p><p>“Purple. Those are amarynths.” The name is just there, like it never left, like a lost puzzle piece found on the dusty floor and fitted back into its proper place.</p><p>They watch the birds noisily climb a far bank and set off in search of their breakfast.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “Sorry all that happened to you. But you’re not ‘good-for-nothing.’ You’ve been nothing but kind to me.”</p><p>“You’re easy to be kind to,” he says, careful to keep his eyes on the horizon. “Except when you’re trying to brain me, of course.”</p><p>She smacks his arm playfully. “I already apologized for that.”</p><p>“Well, now you know how long I can hold a grudge, so watch yourself.”</p><p>And just like that, they’re laughing.</p><p>Rey chews her bottom lip. He’s only known her a few days and already he knows she wants to ask a question she’s uneasy about. “What is it? Spit it out.”</p><p>“Could I…I mean, I’ve never…two days ago I didn’t know they were real…”</p><p>“You wanna try a lightsaber?”</p><p>“I’ll be careful, I promise.” Her face is alight with eagerness.</p><p>Ben hesitates, not because he doesn’t want to give her a chance with a saber, but because he isn’t sure which one to offer. A lightsaber is an extension of a Jedi’s body and spirit, their Living Force made visible. Putting the saber he made into her hands seems vaguely intimate. But his feelings about Anakin’s weapon are so dark, so tangled up in the pain and bewilderment of his childhood, that imagining Rey wielding it—ignorant of its ugly history—is repellent. He holds out his own.</p><p>“Slip and you’ll be known as Queen Rey, the One-Handed.”</p><p>“Very funny.” She steps back and touches the activator. The sapphire blade erupts from the hilt. “You said you built this yourself?”</p><p>“It’s a standard part of Jedi training. Finding the components, locating a focusing crystal. It’s a final stage of early apprenticeship.”</p><p>“Heavier than I thought,” she observes, twirling the blade tentatively around her.</p><p>“Probably a bit too heavy for you. And a bit too long. Your lightsaber would need to suit your height and build.”</p><p>“My lightsaber?” she laughs. “My quarterstaff suits me just fine, thanks.”</p><p>“A lightsaber can be built in any style you want. Some choose to handle two blades simultaneously. There are even examples of double-bladed sabers, essentially saber staffs.”</p><p>“I don’t suppose you’d be willing to show me how this is supposed to be done?”</p><p>He shouldn’t. The familiar warnings of <em>danger</em> and <em>don’t</em> and <em>he’ll find you</em> immediately cloud his mind. But she’s looking at him with such trust and evident pleasure and he can’t shake the feeling that it’s vitally important that he be the one to introduce her to all of this.</p><p>“Rey, I need to ask you something. Have you ever experienced anything…strange? Something you couldn’t understand at the time? Maybe an accident that ought to have hurt you, but didn’t? Or,” he searches his memory for things she’s said to him, “having an aptitude for really difficult languages that most people can’t learn?”</p><p>She’s instantly wary. “Why are you asking me this?”</p><p>“Because of something Maz said. She’s Force-sensitive. She’s not a Jedi but she’s very old and highly attuned to the universe around her.”</p><p>“What did she say? Something about me?”</p><p>“She could sense your presence in the Force the minute you walked into the castle. She’s convinced it’s not an accident that you and I met.” He unclips the saber from his belt. “That’s how you heard this calling.”</p><p>She deactivates Ben’s blade, shaking her head in confusion. “How is that possible? And if that’s true, why didn’t you hear it? Your grandfather made it, not mine.”</p><p>He swallows. Takes a steadying breath. “When I told you I don’t have the Force anymore, I didn’t just mean I don’t use it. There are ways that people like us can…sever ourselves from it. That’s what I did when I left Skywalker’s school. I decided I was never going back. And the one way to get all of them to leave me alone was to cut myself off from the only part of me they cared about in the first place. That’s why Maz can sense you but I can’t.”</p><p>Before Rey can respond, they hear the steady, mechanical clang of a droid approaching. Sunlight flashes off its bronzium body with each step it takes closer to the <em>Falcon</em>. It is ME-8D9, an antique protocol droid some say is as old as the castle, older even than Maz herself.</p><p>“What do you need, Emmie?”</p><p>“Pardon me, Master Solo. Mistress Kanata wishes to see you in her private library at your earliest convenience.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~</p><p><br/>“Sleep well?” Maz asks, eyes twinkling.</p><p>“Not especially,” he says. Ben always prefers honesty. If it irritates people, so much the better.</p><p>“Ah, well, all management complaints should be directed to Emmie. She knows how to tell guests what they can do with their grievances in many more languages than I do.”</p><p>They’re sitting in a large, two-level room packed nearly to the ceiling with objects from around the galaxy. Books, scrolls, holographic projections, stone tablets, vibrating glass spheres, rods hung with multicolored cords—if it preserves information, Maz Kanata owns at least a half-dozen examples of it. There’s even a tattooed skin stretched on a wooden frame that Ben suspects was once worn by a human.</p><p>“I have no complaints about the hospitality. I didn’t enjoy the part where you threw my family in my face in front of a total stranger.”</p><p>Maz offers him a small ceramic cup of the strong caf she prefers but he shakes it off. “You like that girl. Don’t even try to deny it. The truth will have to come out sooner or later.”</p><p>“I met her two days ago. And thanks to you, she already knows a helluva lot more about me than most.”</p><p>“And yet, she’s still here. Seems to like you, too. Did you tell <em>her</em> what happened with Luke? I only ask because I have yet to hear it from you myself.” She sips the steaming beverage with an impish smile.</p><p>“There’s not much to tell, Maz. I woke up one night and he was standing over my bed with his lightsaber, looking at me like I was the evilest scum of the universe and it was his personal duty to end me. He swung, I blocked. I pulled the ceiling down on his head before he could kill me and I ran for my life. End of story.” His hands are shaking so he balls them into fists, but he knows she sees anyway. Maz misses nothing.</p><p>“After that?” she inquires gently. “Where did you go?”</p><p>“I wasn’t sure where to go at first. I contacted my mother. She didn’t believe me. Said there must be some kind of mistake. What had I done to ‘provoke’ Luke? Was I telling her the whole story? Then it became, something must have happened to Luke. He must have been possessed, swayed by the Dark Side. It was all a big misunderstanding. I needed to go back. Make sure he was alright.” He couldn’t believe it then and he can’t believe it now. “Make sure <em>he</em> was alright.”</p><p>Maz sets her cup down, clucks softly in the back of her throat. “So you went to Han, instead?”</p><p>“It wouldn’t have been my first choice,” he acknowledges. “But my alternatives were limited. He and I have never gotten along that well. I was already thinking about…about what I would have to do next—”</p><p>“Cutting yourself off from the Force, you mean?”</p><p>He nods curtly. “I thought maybe, just maybe, if I did that then he would stop being afraid of me. Maybe even learn to tolerate me a little.” His eyes are burning but he will not cry in front of Maz.</p><p>“And how are things between you now, after all these years?”</p><p>“Fine,” he spits. At her skeptical look, he concedes, “We’ll never be close. He and Chewie are soulmates, always have been. I think even my mother was jealous of Chewie when they were married. We work together occasionally. I certainly see him more now than I did my entire childhood.”</p><p>“You’re too hard on Han, though I understand why. He never had a father himself. If only you could have known him when your mother was carrying you. So full of love and hope, but also so much terror that he would fail. And he did fail you, Ben. They all did. Always looking for Anakin Skywalker in you, so determined to keep you from treading his path that they never allowed you to seek one of your own. It changed you. You are not the same person you would have been had Darth Vader never existed.”</p><p>Hasn’t he always thought the same thing? Why does it hurt so much to hear someone else say it so matter-of-factly?</p><p>“But that does not give you the right to turn your back on who are you, nor throw away the incredible gifts you’ve been given. I think that is why the Force guided you to that girl. To bring you back to yourself, to the person you are meant to be.”</p><p>“The Force didn’t guide me to her, Maz. A junker on Jakku is responsible for that. I’m not a problem she has to solve. Rey doesn’t deserve to get pulled into any of this mess. The farther away she is from me, the better for her.”</p><p>Maz cocks her head, regards him closely. “Tell me, child, what are you really running away from: a past that gives you pain or a future you fear? I’ve spoken to your mother. She still believes that outside forces had a hand in confusing Luke’s mind that night. She’s told me before about your nightmares, about the voices that used to whisper to you in your cradle. It’s her opinion that the vile creature leading the First Order has been trying to poison you against your family for years. Is she right, Ben?”</p><p>His throat is painfully dry. “Why do you think I closed myself off from the Force?”</p><p>“The Darksider—Snoke?—he tried to turn you, didn’t he?”</p><p>Ben jumps up from his chair, begins nervously pacing the room. “The voices were there as far back as I can remember. It took me years to realize what was happening. But I never turned. Don’t get any credit for that, though, do I? Let’s all pat Luke on the head and blame someone else when he tries to murder his own nephew. It must have been Snoke’s fault. It must have been mine.”</p><p>“I freely admit that you’ve been wronged. But you cannot continue to wallow in this anger and self-pity. That is just as noxious as Snoke’s lies. Listen to me, for your own protection—for the girl’s protection—you must undo this thing that you have done.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” he demands. “Why does Rey need protecting?”</p><p>“I am no Jedi, but I know the Force. You and that girl are unique among all the Force users I have known in a thousand years. Never tell me it was an accident that you found each other. If Snoke wanted you for your power, how long will it be before he finds her? She needs guidance. She needs a partner. So do you.”</p><p>Maz lifts a small data tablet from the table next to her. She holds it out to Ben.</p><p>“There is someone I believe can help you both. Help you reconcile with the Force and help Rey define her place in all of this. A trusted friend of mine. Not a Jedi. The coordinates are there.”</p><p>“You don’t understand, Maz. I don’t want anything to do with the Force. It’s brought me nothing but misery. I closed myself off from it so that no one could find me. Not Snoke, not Luke, not even my mother. I’m done with being used by people who don’t give a damn about me.”</p><p>She leans forward in her chair, eyes burning. “There is a war coming, Ben Solo. Whether you like it or not, you will be part of that war. And I believe Rey will, as well, if she is as powerful as I suspect her to be. How long her part lasts may well depend on whatever choices you make next. Anakin Skywalker was impulsive and egotistical and selfish. You have spent your life wanting everyone to know that you are not him. Now is your chance to prove it.”</p><p>~~~~~</p><p><br/>Rey is sitting by the lake, almost exactly where he left her. Her boots are off and her pants are rolled up, revealing long, shapely calves dangling in the water. The hilt of his saber gleams through the thick grass.</p><p>He drops down heavily beside her. “I would have thought you emptied out the kitchens by now.”</p><p>She wrinkles her nose at him. It makes his stomach lurch in the oddest way. “I’ll have you know that I am exceptionally good at waiting.”</p><p>He chuckles, producing a round piece of fruit from his jacket pocket and handing it to her.</p><p>“It’s purple!” she cries, delighted. “What is it?”</p><p>“Jogan fruit. You know,” he jerks a thumb behind them, “not far from the trees.”</p><p>She groans. “Maz was right. You are awful at jokes.” He doesn’t remind her that he’s had barely any practice at it.</p><p>“I figured if you hadn’t gone in for breakfast yet, you’d be starving. And I need to talk to you about something.”</p><p>“That sounds ominous.” She takes a large bite out of the fruit, clear juice running down her chin. Ben watches it drip onto the fabric of her shirt. He definitely should not want to swipe his thumb over her bottom lip as badly as he does.</p><p>He realizes she’s talking to him and he needs to stop staring. “I take it your conversation with Maz didn’t go well.”</p><p>“This isn’t about that,” he says. “I have no idea when Han is going to get here, if ever. He has a habit of changing plans in the middle of a job and not letting me know. Not the most reliable person. He could be on the opposite side of the galaxy right now, with no intention of ever coming to Takodana. We need to talk about getting you back to Jakku.” Nobody has ever honored his wishes; he for damn sure will not treat Rey like that.</p><p>She stops chewing, goes very still. It confuses him.</p><p>“Do you not want to get back to Jakku? You were very clear about it on the <em>Falcon</em>.”</p><p>“I…I’m not sure. I’ve been thinking about what you said—what Maz said, I suppose—about me having the same powers you do. Did.”</p><p>“And what exactly are you thinking about that?”</p><p>“You asked me if I’d ever experienced anything I couldn’t explain and I think I have. I’ve always been able to understand languages very easily, can learn to speak them in no time at all. I found the very best salvage in the least amount of time. Jumping and climbing in wrecks was never a problem, even when I was tiny. I can fix anything. The parts just sort of tell me how they want to fit together. I know instantly if someone is lying to me. And—” she’s chewing her lip, her tell, “—I wasn’t completely honest with you about something.” She blushes all the way down to her collar.</p><p>“I told you that when you stole the <em>Falcon</em>, takeoff woke me up. That wasn’t precisely true. I woke up just before. I had the strangest feeling. It’s hard to describe. It was warm, comforting. Something I recognized even though I’d never felt it before. I think it was you,” she whispers.</p><p>His mouth is hanging open by the time she finishes. His brain isn’t functioning properly. It sounds like she is telling him she wants to stay with him but that can’t possibly be right.</p><p>“I don’t know anything about this mystical stuff,” she stammers, flustered by his silence. “It would be nice to be able to talk to someone who’s studied it, someone who could teach me things.”</p><p>Ah, there it is. She doesn’t want him. She wants to study the Force and he’s her best available option. That makes more sense. That he can believe. He has no right to be angry at her, for unintentionally giving him hope then taking it away, but he is.</p><p>“You want to learn about the Force? Here’s your lesson. The Force never did anything for me but make me feared and despised. It drove away everyone I loved and attracted people who wanted to use me for their own selfish purposes. You’re better off without it. And you’re better off well away from me and anyone connected with me. I’m a cancer, Rey. That’s what the Force did. It warped me and my entire family in ways I can’t even explain.” She looks horrified but he keeps going. “If you want my help to get back to Jakku, I’ll do what I promised. Otherwise, we’re done here.”</p><p>He leaves her on the bank and heads for the castle without looking back.</p><p>It’s time to settle accounts.<br/><br/></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>All management complaints should be directed to Emmie. :-)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The scream of TIE fighters rips through the air just as Ben is reaching the courtyard. They’re on the far side of the lake but, at that speed, maybe only five or six seconds out. He has a heartbeat of indecision—warn Maz or run straight back to Rey?</p><p>The choice is made for him as the doors burst open and all the clientele of the castle run for their ships. He’s engulfed in a tidal wave of droids, creatures and humans rushing frantically past him to escape. The yelling and clicking and grunting is disorienting. He’s shoved viciously to one side by the hulking gun-for-hire called Grummgar, who moves surprisingly fast for his size. Through the commotion, he hears Maz yelling his name. She’s at the top of the stairs beckoning urgently to him.</p><p>The first explosion hits the west tower and chunks of stone are raining onto the crowd when he reaches her. Strings of multi-colored banners float gently down amidst the dust and debris. It looks weirdly festive, as though the shouting throng is some kind of open-air party.</p><p>“They are here for you! You know it to be true. Someone must have informed,” Maz yells, over the alternating staccato blasts of laser cannon followed by impact. “Get out of here! Take Rey. You have the coordinates. Go!”</p><p>“I’m not leaving you—” he begins but she cuts him off.</p><p>“I have not lived ten centuries without being able to take care of myself, Ben Solo. The First Order wants you, so you must get as far away from here as you can. Find Rey, now! And may the Force be with you!” She shoves him hard, making him stumble back down the steps.</p><p>Her action saves his life. Above, a TIE scores a direct hit on the statue overlooking the yard. One of its giant stone arms, perhaps ten meters long, crashes down and is pulverized on the spot where he was just standing. For an instant, he fears Maz is dead underneath it, but then he catches sight of her, shouting orders to Emmie as she dashes back inside what’s left of the building.</p><p>There’s no time. The first wave of transports has landed and stormtroopers are swarming over the grounds. Ben scrambles away from the scene, tripping over the twisted wreckage of HURID, the old loadlifter droid Maz has kept as a groundskeeper for decades. The cut on his lip reopens and he spits blood. He sprints down the path along the lake. The <em>Falcon</em> is where he left it, ramp down and engines quiet. Rey is nowhere in sight.</p><p>Panic claws at his chest. He has to find her and get out of here before a TIE spots the <em>Falcon</em> and destroys it, trapping them. She can’t be on the ship because she would have prepped it for takeoff as soon as the attack began. Would she have bothered to come looking for him? His harsh words aside, he knows he didn’t pass her on the path. More likely he upset her enough that she struck off into the woods.</p><p>She can’t have gotten far; not enough time has passed. But he can’t risk wandering in the wrong direction. And what does it matter now anyway?</p><p>
  <em>He’s already found me.</em>
</p><p>Ben steps just inside the tree line behind the ship. The noise of the assault is instantly muffled. If Rey made it far enough—if she was running—she might not even hear what’s happening.</p><p>He has no choice.</p><p>Resting his hands against the nearest tree trunk, to steady and ground himself in the web of life around him, Ben empties his mind. His racing heart slowly begins to calm with each measured breath he compels himself to take. From deep inside the remotest corners of his consciousness, he reaches for the currents of energy he knows flow around and through him even now. He concentrates on lifting the barriers he has constructed within himself, feeling the light and heat of the universe trickle, then seep, then flood his being. Shadows slip in too, velvety and enticing in their cool darkness. He never doubted they would return.</p><p>The ageless forest around him vibrates with propulsive vitality. The sensory overload is almost more than he can bear after so many years without practice. The tumult of the battle is there, too—terror and anger and naked blood lust, love of destruction for its own sake. But above it all, clearer and sharper than the tone of a bell, is something else. Something warm and comforting. Something he recognizes even though he’s never felt it before. Rey.</p><p>He’s running east into the woods before he’s cognizant of making a decision. He knows exactly where she is and what she is feeling. She must know the battle is happening, because she’s afraid. That’s not exactly right. She’s afraid <em>for him</em>. She’s trying to make her way to the castle but she’s blocked, somehow. Then he feels the troopers spreading out, sweeping for prisoners.</p><p><em>I’m coming</em>, he thinks, willing her to hear. <em>Hang on.</em></p><p>Blaster fire up ahead makes his blood run cold. Would she have thought to take a blaster from the ship? There’s no reason she would. Does she even have her staff or is she completely defenseless? His only comfort as he pushes himself to run faster, to reach farther into the Force and borrow its strength to help him cover the last few meters, is that he would know immediately if she were hurt. If she were—</p><p>The sound a lightsaber makes when it ignites is unique in the galaxy. When Ben hears it, his confused brain immediately sends his hand to his belt. A weapon is there, securely clipped and fairly whining in anticipation of being put to use. But it’s not <em>his</em> weapon. Because only now does he remember that he left his saber with Rey by the lake, when he stomped off to the castle like a petulant child. He left her alone with a deadly relic of a dying religion, one she has no idea how to use.</p><p>She isn’t letting that stop her.</p><p>As he rushes into the clearing, she’s standing at its center, the electric sapphire of his saber blazing through the forest gloom. A single trooper is on the ground. Ben has no idea if she got close enough to stab him, or if she managed a lucky deflection of his own blaster bolt against him. A handful of the dead man’s squad members are racing up the incline beyond, determined to avenge him.</p><p>When his hand grips Anakin Skywalker’s saber, he swears he feels a frisson of something spark through the Force around him. Is it anticipation? Hunger? Is it coming from the saber itself, or from something else, some other presence? He can’t shake the feeling he is being watched.</p><p>Rey knows he is there, has felt him approaching. He’s certain of it. But she still jumps when he ignites his own blade. “Get behind me,” he orders. Miraculously, she doesn’t argue.</p><p>There’s a kind of trance that Force-users can slip into in the heat of battle. One’s senses become so submerged in the fluxes of energy—anticipating every shot, every slash, every movement of foe and friend alike—that one loses touch with the present. The here and now recedes when more monumental, eternal powers are at play. One moment, Ben is facing three charging stormtroopers. The next, they are splayed out on the ground and he is grabbing Rey’s hand, running as fast as they are able back to the shore.</p><p>“You…that blaster fire…you stopped it in mid-air…” she pants, ducking under a branch even as she leaps over a decaying log.</p><p>“Yeah, it’s a neat party trick. If we survive, I’ll show you how to do it,” he barks, mentally coaxing the Force around her to ease her fatigue, help her keep pace with his longer strides. He’s forgotten what it feels like, to work in concert with the universe. He’s forgotten how invigorating—how humbling—of a sensation it is.</p><p>The <em>Falcon</em> is still in one piece. Maybe the cosmos is not as intent on his destruction as he has sometimes believed.</p><p>“When we get her in the air,” he calls back, racing up the ramp, “we’re jumping right from atmo.”</p><p>“Is that even possible?” she demands.</p><p>“We’re about to find out.” He nearly hurdles the captain’s chair.</p><p>Rey is right behind him. “I’ll have to override the safety protocols. Hyperdrives do not love pulling against planetary grav fields. The system will fight me.”</p><p>“If any ship in the galaxy is used to suicide stunts, it has to be this one,” he grunts, shoving a lever forward to get the freighter off the ground. The TIEs over the castle spot them and bank hard in perfect formation. “Ready?”</p><p>“Almost. Got it! I think?”</p><p>“Punch it!” he yells and for an instant, Han is there in the cockpit with them, and Ben is a boy again.</p><p>The hyperdrive engages, howling in protest as it struggles to drag them away. The <em>Falcon</em> shudders so violently that Ben looks at Rey, in case this is the last chance he gets. She’s already looking at him. The Force <em>ripples</em>. It contracts and then instantaneously expands, like a supernova collapsing in on itself before exploding in fiery brilliance. Rey gasps. The ship steadies, rocketing smoothly forward into space.</p><p>“What the hell was that?” she whispers.</p><p>“Us,” he breathes.</p><p>~~~~~<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>They’re light-years closer to Jakku before Ben drops the ship into realspace. With no time to input new coordinates while fleeing Takodana, he simply reversed course on their last jump.</p><p>“I’ve never seen anything like that,” Rey says quietly. She sounds like she’s in shock.</p><p>“Which part?” he asks. He’s leaning back on the headrest, staring up at the ceiling while his pulse slows.</p><p>“Any of it. The way you fought those stormtroopers. The blaster bolt. Whatever just happened with the hyperdrive.”</p><p>He blows out a long, slow breath. His lip stings. “We can deal with all of that as soon as we decide where we’re going.”</p><p>“What are our options?”</p><p>“We’re already on course to Jakku. I meant what I said, Rey. I’ll take you back there myself if that’s what you want.” Despite what she claimed this morning, the attack on the castle may have changed her mind. Perhaps now she believes him when he says he’s trouble.</p><p>“Or?”</p><p>Ben reaches into his pocket and pulls out the small data tablet Maz gave him in the library. The magnificent library he has loved since he was small, now smashed into oblivion. So much lost. Because of him. His stomach clenches painfully.</p><p>He lays the tablet on the console between them.</p><p>“What’s that?”</p><p>“Maz gave it to me. There are coordinates stored in there. Someplace she thought we should go. Someone she thought we needed to meet. Together.”</p><p>“Who?”</p><p>“She didn’t say. Just that it was a person she trusted, a friend. Not a Jedi. I think she said that so I would trust the person.”</p><p>Rey reaches for the tablet and begins transferring coordinates into the nav computer.</p><p>“It’s really far out there. Deep in the Unknown Regions. No charted hyperspace lanes that way, either. It will take us days to reach it.”</p><p>Ben chances a look in her direction. Her hair is curling wildly from the race through the woods. It’s faintly backlit with starlight shining through the viewport. She’s unquestionably the loveliest thing he’s ever seen. Rey tries to smother a startled little smile and he realizes with embarrassment that she must have heard his thoughts.</p><p>“Are you sure there isn’t anything you left behind on Jakku that you want to go back for? Anyone you want to say good-bye to?”</p><p>She shakes her head firmly.</p><p>“Then I guess we’re decided. Ready?”</p><p>She looks shyly at him and he feels a strange sort of bliss blossoming inside. Like the emotion wasn’t born within him, but it’s his to share if he wants it. He finds that he does.</p><p>“Ready.”</p><p>“What’s the name of this mysterious, far-flung place we’re being called to?”</p><p>She checks the data tablet again.</p><p>“Ahch-To,” she says.<br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Alright, you lovely, luminous beings. Here's how this is going to go...</p><p>I'm envisioning this as three "arcs" of five chapters each, so I've updated the chapter count accordingly.</p><p>I have the second section (chapters 6-10) completely written. Not to raise expectations too high, but it's some of my favorite stuff I've ever produced. :-)</p><p>Here's the rub: school starts next week. Maker help me.</p><p>So I've got two scenarios in mind, and I'd be interested in your collective opinions.</p><p>1) I post the next five chapters, one each day, next week, with your understanding that it will likely take me a block of time after that to finish and post the last arc.</p><p>2) I skip posting next week, post the finished five the week after (still one per day), then depending on where I am with writing the concluding arc, either push straight through with posting or more likely skip a week then finish posting. Hope that makes senses. (In that scenario, posts per week would be 5-0-5-0-5.)</p><p>Let me know what you think!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Who crushed school prep AND wrote 2.5 chapters this weekend? This bench!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>He’s asleep on a pallet, the stone walls of the student hut sharp and close around him. But he’s not alone, and rolling over finds himself under the furious glare of his uncle. Luke’s face is ludicrously distorted in hatred, tinged green in the pall cast by his drawn saber.</em>
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  <em>Something like smoke wreathes around Skywalker, swirling and billowing. It seems to coalesce into an almost human shape, crooning with malevolence, goading Luke to violence. It longs to curl around his own body, whether to poison or protect him, he doesn’t know.</em>
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  <em>When he summons his saber, another weapon flies into his hand. One he recognizes. The smoke-shadow recognizes it, too. The instant the hilt meets his skin, Luke is no longer there. Instead, the nothingness twines its tendrils around his hand, closing and solidifying over his arm, his chest, his neck. He is encased in blackness, blocking out all the light beyond. The last thing he hears is the triumphant hiss of the Darkness as he is sealed in for all eternity.</em>
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  <em>No, that isn’t right. He’s not in the hut, he’s outside. The dark is only nighttime, tender and fragrant. The air is warm as bathwater. Stars sparkle and dance—but they aren’t stars at all, not really, only tiny insects illuminating the sky with their glow. A curtain of hair tickles his nose. A breathy whisper fills his ear. His hand is not closed around the cold metal of a saber, it is cradling something supple and precious. Something he cannot bear to lose.</em>
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  <em>“Ben,” the beloved voice is murmuring. </em>
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  <em>The only one. The one he was always meant to find…</em>
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  <em>“Ben.”</em>
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  <em>A gentle touch on his shoulder.</em>
</p><p>“Ben."</p><p>“What?!” He sits straight up, slamming his head into the bottom of the bunk above. “Ow.”</p><p>“Are you alright?” Rey tries not to laugh, but mostly fails. “Does it hurt?” She brushes the strands back from his forehead to check for bruising before suddenly realizing what she’s doing. A guilty look crosses her face, as if she’s been caught breaking a rule. Jumping up from the bunk, she blurts, “You asked me to wake you, so you could clean up before your shift.”</p><p>They are two standard days out from Takodana, with at least another half-day to go before arriving in the Ahch-To system.</p><p>“Right. Yeah. Thank you.”</p><p>“Were you having a nightmare? I thought I sensed something from the cockpit. Is that possible? When I came in just now, you definitely felt agitated. Sorry, is this too personal? I’m not really sure how to navigate here. It’s all very new.” She’s babbling with discomfort.</p><p>Ben rubs his eyes with the heels of his hands. “It’s new to me, too. We’ll have to work it out, uh, together.”</p><p>The air between them shifts ever so slightly. If he touched the hem of her shirt, he is sure he would get a static charge.</p><p>“I’ll leave you to it,” she says, backing toward the door. “Take your time.”</p><p>~~~~~</p><p><br/>There isn’t much in the way of food onboard and no obvious worlds to stop for resupply so far inside the Unknown Regions. They’re reduced to eating old ration bars Ben found in the back of a galley cabinet. Rey alleges they’re older than she is and he has no reason to think she’s wrong.</p><p>“I wish you had shoved about ten more pieces of fruit in your jacket that morning,” she reflects sourly, trying to snap a piece of a bar off with her fingers but ultimately resorting to teeth.</p><p>“Had I known we’d be going on the run that morning, I would have done it.”</p><p>“You know, with everything else that happened I never thought to ask: why do you think the First Order attacked Maz’s castle at all? You said she was a pirate. Do you think she got into some kind of trouble? Or maybe they were after someone stopping there.”</p><p>Ben leaves the co-pilot’s chair, making a job of checking gauges and readouts in the back of the cockpit. “Maz thought they were after me,” he admits.</p><p>“You? Why would the First Order be after you? Because of the smuggling?”</p><p>Ben chuckles. “The amount of smuggling I accomplish would not be worth their time, believe me. And it certainly wouldn’t merit an entire division of stormtroopers with air support. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not an occupation that makes you rich. More of a subsistence living.”</p><p>“I endured eighteen-hour days in the Jakku desert to earn a few mouthfuls of veg-meat and polystarch. Water was extra.” Rey looks him up and down. “You seem well-off enough to me.” She flashes a decidedly flirtatious little smile and he feels his cheeks get hot. He’s nearly thirty, but as awkward as a kriffing teenager in her presence.</p><p>“So why would they come after you, then?” she presses. When he doesn’t answer, she prompts, “It can’t be as bad as all that, can it?” He can almost hear the rest of her unspoken thought: <em>it can’t be worse than Darth Vader.</em></p><p>But it can. Even after everything he’s shared in the brief time they’ve known each other, this might be the piece he most dreads. The other traumas he’s endured were all, at their core, external to him: he had no control over Anakin Skywalker, Luke, or his parents. But this final admission cuts deepest because it is fundamentally internal. He should have had more self-awareness, better control over his own thoughts. There is blame here, if she cares to assign it.</p><p>“You asked me just now if I was having a nightmare. I’ve had them most of my life. My parents talk about how I never slept peacefully, even when I was a baby. They couldn’t settle me for more than a few minutes at a time. I’d wake up screaming bloody murder. And then,” his throat is so dry, “when I got a little older, the Voice began to talk to me.”</p><p>“The voice,” she repeats.</p><p>“It was friendly. Comforting. No one understood me like the Voice did. If my mother promised to spend the day with me and then backed out at the last minute, the Voice was there to reassure me that I was important, that it was her loss. If my father flinched when I ran to him for a hug, the Voice would tell me that he could never appreciate a power as incredible as mine. He was only a two-bit hustler, after all. I was the special one.” He can feel the apprehension building inside Rey as he explains.</p><p>“I never really thought about it too much when I was small. When I got a little older, I guessed it was my own imagination. But the Voice knew things I didn’t know. It had opinions I wasn’t sure were mine. By the time I was living at Luke’s school, I assumed I was, you know, mentally ill.”</p><p>“Ben,” she shudders.</p><p>“It took me until I was in my early twenties to figure out what was actually going on. The Voice detested Luke. It was constantly trying to make me resent him, pit us against each other. And it started to subtly suggest that the Jedi weren’t fully appreciating my immense talents. Maybe I owed it to myself to explore other philosophies.”</p><p>“What does that mean?”</p><p>“The Dark Side,” he says simply, finally sinking back into the chair. “The Voice was a Darksider, trying to manipulate me into turning.”</p><p>“From the time you were a baby?” she exclaims, appalled.</p><p>“For a while I wasn’t completely certain. I tried to be careful to shield my thoughts and I began studying more advanced blocking techniques. It helped a little. I couldn’t do much about the nightmares. But looking back I think it must have worked. Because then he tried a different tack. Or at least, that’s my mother’s theory. My disagreement with Luke? My mother believes to this day that the Darksider infiltrated his mind and set him against me. That’s why she doesn’t blame him for what happened.”</p><p>She leans forward, concern rolling off her in waves. “What exactly happened?”</p><p>“He tried to kill me while I slept.”</p><p>“<em>Stars</em>,” she all but whimpers.</p><p>“That was ultimately why I separated myself from the Force. I didn’t want anyone inside my head without my permission. As soon as I did it, the Voice stopped. The bad dreams stopped. I slept through the night for maybe the first time in my life. Believe it or not, that improved my disposition quite a lot all by itself.”</p><p>Rey presses her fingers hard to the bridge of her nose. He wonders if he’s giving her a headache. “Does that mean—since you’ve reconnected with the Force—that the nightmares are back? Is the voice back?”</p><p>“The dream I just had was a bit eerie but it, uh, improved by the end.” He finds it hard to look directly at her while he says this. The idea that he and Rey might be linked closely enough to read each other’s thoughts and feelings, see each other’s dreams, it’s intoxicating. And mortifying. “I haven’t had any true nightmares. And I haven’t heard any voices, I swear.”</p><p>“Wait,” she says suddenly, “I’m missing something. What does all this have to do with the attack on Takodana?”</p><p>Now Ben is the one with the headache. “The Darksider who tried to turn me all those years is the head of the First Order, Supreme Leader Snoke.”</p><p>Sudden understanding crosses her features. “He wanted to recruit you. Because you’re so powerful. He wanted you to help him take over the galaxy just like—”</p><p>“Like Darth Vader served the Emperor,” he finishes. “He thought I’d be a replica of my grandfather. He and Luke and my parents actually had that in common.” Even though he just woke up, he is bone tired.</p><p>“I should have figured it out sooner.” Now that he has come this far, he wants it done. No more confessions. No more secret shame. “I should have been more guarded. I should have told Luke my suspicions. Maybe if I had done that, he would have been better prepared and…things might have gone differently.”</p><p>“You aren’t actually blaming yourself for someone else trying to murder you?”</p><p>“You don’t understand, Rey. I wasn’t all that motivated to end it. Truth is, I liked it. I liked having someone hang on my every word, care about my every thought. I wanted someone to take my side in conflicts and see me, really see me, even when no one else did. If I hadn’t been so egotistical, so needy—”</p><p>“You were a child!” she shouts. “He violated your mind, Ben. He lied to you. He tried to separate you from every one you loved and trusted, so he could use you to do evil things. None of that is your fault!”</p><p>She reaches across the aisle between them and clutches his hand, hard enough to hurt. “For years I blamed myself for being abandoned. I thought I must have done something, or not done something. If I were a better child, my parents would have loved me enough that they could never have left me behind. What kind of people would ever do such a thing?” Her eyes are bright with tears. “But it wasn’t my fault. And it wasn’t yours. We were both discarded, in different ways. And we both did the best we could to survive.”</p><p>She gets up from the captain’s chair, never letting go of his hand. “Stand up. Please.”</p><p>He stands. Slowly, as if afraid he will resist, Rey wraps her arms around him. She nestles her head under his chin and says delicately, “It wasn’t your fault, Ben.”</p><p>The Force surges inside her, saturating him, and spirals around them in a protective cocoon. It’s the safest he has ever felt.</p><p>“Snoke can’t hurt you. You’re too strong for him. You have been since you were a little boy. You must have felt so alone, but you’re not alone. Not anymore.”</p><p>He shivers violently but she just grasps him more firmly. “Neither are you,” he vows.</p><p>“He will <em>never</em> hurt you again. I won’t allow it,” she says ferociously.</p><p>In that exquisite moment, Ben Solo learns the simple joy of loving and being loved in return.<br/><br/></p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>(Posts and runs.)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I know this place,” Rey announces as the <em>Falcon</em> breaks through the dense cloud cover. Stormy grey ocean is all they can see in every direction.</p><p>“I thought you said you’d never left Jakku?”</p><p>“I haven’t. I’ve had dreams like this, for as long as I can remember. Dropping down from the sky into the water. The place we’re looking for, it’s over there, isn’t it?” She points out the left side of the viewport.</p><p>Ben checks the coordinates. “That’s where we’re headed.”</p><p>“It’s an island,” she rushes on. “Bright green, with jagged peaks. Birds flying in every direction. The sea all around it is dark blue, almost black, except right where it meets the rocks. That’s brilliant white.”</p><p>As she speaks, he can see her memory of the place in his own mind, as clearly as if he were looking at a holo.</p><p>“What do you think it means?” she asks, a mild tremor in her voice.</p><p>“It means you made the right choice coming here. You were meant to do it. The Force willed it, that’s why it gave you those dreams.”</p><p>She shakes her head doubtfully. “I’m not sure that makes sense to me. I could never have gotten here if I hadn’t met you. And the only way I did that was by falling asleep inside this ship. Accidentally. The dreams didn’t <em>cause</em> me to do anything.”</p><p>He shrugs. “Maybe they weren’t meant to cause you to do something. Maybe they were meant to prepare you, to help you accept whatever will happen here. So you’d be open to it. To whatever we’ll learn.” He gives her a playful smile. “And have you considered that the Force put you to sleep that night?”</p><p>She groans. “I don’t think I like the idea of some unseen power slipping in and out of my life, pushing me where it wants me to go. It makes me feel like a toy. Like my choices don’t actually matter. Or they matter too much, if that makes any sense. If my entire future hinges on whether I fall asleep or don’t fall asleep on a particular day, how can I ever act? The chances of losing everything are always too high.”</p><p>“I know what you mean. I’ve always hated the idea that I had some kind of preordained destiny that was dictated by choices my relatives made before I was even born. I hated my powers because my family believed that having them meant I owed something to the galaxy. I had a duty to become a Jedi. What I wanted never came into the conversation. But I think my opinion is starting to shift these last few days.”</p><p>“How’s that?”</p><p>“It just seems like whatever the Force has been guided me toward all these years isn’t…all bad.”</p><p>She’s amused. “Not all bad. Ringing endorsement, that. Pure poetry.”</p><p>“I’m not very good with words,” he says self-consciously. He knows she’s teasing but he wants her to understand. “I’ve spoken more to you in the past six days than I have in the past six years. Han wouldn’t recognize me.”</p><p>“You’re doing fine,” she reassures him. “And for what it’s worth, I like being the one you’re practicing with. Maybe we could—”</p><p>He never hears the end of the suggestion because the island appears on the horizon straight ahead and Rey falls silent.</p><p>Vast storm clouds threaten in the distance. According to the <em>Falcon’s</em> weather readings, they are headed directly for the island, too, from the opposite direction. Whitecaps dot the ocean even now, rising higher the closer they get to a landing point.</p><p>“I have no idea how much the tide will rise on that island when this storm hits. We need to find a flat place to land, as high above sea level as possible, then get cover as fast as we can.”</p><p>“But night is falling,” Rey counters. One of Ahch-To’s twin suns has already disappeared from sight, the other following close behind. “Should we really be fumbling around on those cliffs in the dark?”</p><p>“It wouldn’t be my first choice but I’m not a hundred percent sure the <em>Falcon</em> can float. I’d rather not find out the hard way.”</p><p>In the end, there’s a single spot on the island flat enough to accommodate a landing. And they are clearly not the only visitors to use it for that purpose. The first thing they see when they disembark is a line of ancient stone steps, pale in the fading light, that snake up and disappear between the crags.</p><p>“That must lead to the settlement we saw,” she guesses. Thunder rumbles, much too close. “Perhaps the locals can point us in the right direction. <em>Yes, hello, we’ve come to meet someone. Thing is, we don’t know who. Or why. Do you happen to have any non-Jedi Force experts lying about?</em>”</p><p>The wind is really picking up, flinging spray from the surf below into their faces. It’s much colder here than on Takodana and Jakku. “Put this on,” he instructs, shrugging off his jacket and handing it back down the slope to her. She tries to refuse but he presses the garment into her hands. “Your arms are bare. You must be freezing. Take it.”</p><p>It’s laughably large on her but she gives him a look of such open fondness that he doesn’t mind the sharp draft slicing through his shirt. “This storm is going to break any second. We’d better find shelter.”</p><p>The steps end at a flat terrace encircled by a half-dozen stacked stone huts. They are plain but clearly well-tended. A small rack is loaded with freshly caught fish, drying in the open air. But the village is empty. There are no lights visible in the gathering gloom.</p><p>They check each hut and find that all but one are unoccupied. The one that shows signs of habitation has only a few small objects, simple clothing hung on pegs, rough bedclothes. It’s fully dark now and as they stand in the central clearing, trying to decide what to do, the clouds finally release their deluge.</p><p>Rey grabs Ben’s arm and yanks him into the nearest building. It doesn’t have a door, only a heavy piece of woven fabric hanging from the frame. “Stand back,” he cautions, igniting his saber to use as a light source. There’s a small fire pit in the center of the floor, a narrow ledge built into the wall for sitting and sleeping, and little else.</p><p>“Looks like we’re stuck here, until morning or the storm breaks. Whichever comes first,” she says, just behind his shoulder.</p><p>“Here, hold this.” He hands her the saber. “I’ll build a fire.”</p><p>“What with?”</p><p>He points to a stack of earthen blocks piled against the curved wall. “Worlds that don’t have wood-bearing fauna to burn often cut turf for heat and cooking fuel.”</p><p>“Heating was one issue I never had to worry about on Jakku,” she reflects, pulling the covering back to watch the rain. “Never had this, either. Plenty of sand storms. We’d all have wept for joy if water had suddenly come pouring from the sky.”</p><p>“Are you hungry?” he asks, reaching for the lightsaber to ignite the peat squares. “Those fish out there aren’t the prettiest ones I’ve ever seen, but I bet they taste better than old ration bars.”</p><p>“Why don’t we wait until morning before we start helping ourselves to their food stores? Bad enough we’ve invited ourselves to stay without permission. And we’re using up their…dirt.”</p><p>He snorts. “I promise I’ll replace the dirt if our host takes exception.”</p><p>The fire crackles cheerfully, allowing them to see more of their surroundings. There are a handful of ceramic vessels arranged on a tiny shelf built into the wall. A single, high window opening is letting in cold air and an occasional burst of moisture, but no light.</p><p>“Looks like there’s a blanket over there,” he points out. “Either that or it’s a discarded old sack.” When she holds up the textile in question, he deadpans, “Still not sure, to be honest. Could go either way.”</p><p>Rey sits cross-legged next to him on the floor, raising her chilled hands to the warmth of the flames. “Very disappointing. I’m used to a certain standard, you know? Can’t sleep without my shimmersilk pillows.”</p><p>“I’ve heard queens can be very particular about things like that.” There’s an easiness between them, an incredulous but insistent happiness. <em>I can’t believe you are here,</em> it sighs, <em>but I’m so grateful.</em></p><p>“Where do you think everyone’s gone?” she wonders.</p><p>“There was another small settlement on the north shore of the island. I caught a glimpse of it when we did the flyover. Maybe whoever lives in that hut across the way is there for the night, couldn’t get back before the storm. Or maybe they don’t get many visitors and the sound of the ship scared them into hiding. I sense life forms down there but they aren’t human.”</p><p>“Maz never specified that we were meeting a human, did she?”</p><p>“No,” he admits. “She didn’t tell me much of anything.”</p><p>“And yet here we are. Ben Solo made a leap of faith.”</p><p>She’s still rubbing her palms together to ward off the cold. He reaches down, slipping his fingers around hers. “It’s easier to jump when someone holds your hand,” he observes quietly.</p><p>She’s otherworldly in the firelight, so stunning he can hardly look at her. “Do you feel that?” she whispers, as the Force sparks and hums and tugs like stubborn gravity between them.</p><p>He nods, leaning a fraction closer. “I feel it, too.”</p><p>A shattering crack of lightning splits the night air. It can’t have struck more than a few meters beyond the hut. The entire room flashes white.</p><p>“What was that?” she yelps.</p><p>“Lightning, part of the storm system, like the thunder. It’s just static discharge from the turbulence of the air inside the clouds. Nothing to be afraid of, if you’re under cover.”</p><p>But she is afraid and the storm is intensifying. Strike after strike lands, splintering their peace. Rey begins bouncing her legs nervously.</p><p>“Why don’t we try and get some sleep?” he suggests. Even without a proper door, the hut has warmed steadily. The burning turf gives off a sweet, rich smell that’s making him drowsy. “You can have the…the bed, I guess?” Sleeping on that ledge will be about as easy as perching on top of a fence, he imagines. “Unless you prefer to be closer to the fire? Whichever you want.”</p><p>Her cheeks are already a bit pink from sitting near the heat, but she definitely flushes darker. “I thought we might share,” she mumbles.</p><p>“Share what?” he asks, like an idiot.</p><p>“The…” She doesn’t continue, just jerks her chin toward the stone bunk. She wants to sleep there. With him.</p><p>“I’m not sure we’ll both fit,” he blurts, before his brain can advise him to shut the kriff up.</p><p>His hesitation just makes her more determined. He watches as she squares her shoulders. “We can try.”</p><p>He can’t think of a single response to that, as she stands and offers him a hand up. In the three steps it takes to reach the bunk, Ben concludes that his best course of action is to keep his mouth shut and do whatever Rey wants.</p><p>“You should probably lie down first, just because…you’re bigger,” she says, looking adorably resolute. He can almost see her mental gears turning. She started this and she’s going to see it through. He climbs onto the stone slab and stretches out. He’s so tall the curve of the hut is touching his head and feet.</p><p>“Aren’t you going to take your boots off?” she snickers.</p><p>He’s forgotten that part. When he sits back up to start undoing the fastenings, Rey drops down beside him to remove her own. Neither looks at the other. A flutter of anxious energy ricochets between them.</p><p>“I think we’ll need to turn sideways. To fit, I mean,” she mutters.</p><p>Which way should he face? His higher reasoning has stopped functioning and can’t devise an intelligent solution. Rey isn’t giving any hint as to her preference. Ultimately, he settles his back against the cold, uneven stone and waits to see her reaction.</p><p>She grabs the prickly blanket and rests it over their legs. Then she shrugs out of his jacket. Turning away from him, she drapes the jacket over them both. For a moment, they lie completely still, not touching or speaking. The only sounds are the sizzle of the fire and the rain falling outside.</p><p>Gingerly, she reaches behind and wraps her fingers around his wrist, guiding his arm to the slope of her waist. The bunk is so narrow that shifting even that much puts her back again his chest. “So I don’t fall off in the middle of the night,” she explains.</p><p>He eases his other arm under her. Her head fits perfectly against his neck, and her hair smells earthy from the smoke. “Good plan,” he whispers. She shivers.</p><p>He doesn’t remember falling asleep. But the next thing he knows, Rey is shaking his arm. Weak light shines through the window. The fire is out and the storm is over.</p><p>“Ben,” she’s whispering urgently. “Ben, wake up.”</p><p>“What’s wrong?” His arm is numb and his hip aches. The back of his shirt is damp from rainwater seeping through the stacked stone. Rey is still beside him. He’s never known a better night’s rest.</p><p>“There’s someone out there,” she mouths.</p><p>When he pushes aside the cloth in the doorframe, there <em>is</em> a cloaked figure standing on the other side of the terrace. She turns toward him and lowers her hood, revealing magnificent white and blue-striped montrals and head tails around an orange-hued face. She’s a Togruta female, probably older than his mother if he had to guess.</p><p>“Welcome, friend,” she says cordially. Her eyes are kind. “I’ve been expecting you.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Should I give a hint as to what I'm really doing here? My initial pencil jot for this story was, "Ben's journey with Rey is a metaphor for becoming whole through reconnecting to the Sacred Feminine." Which is not the best way to put it, but maybe it gives the idea?</p><p>BTW, a hill I will die on is that (canonically) Rey dreamed of Ahch-To NOT because of Luke, but because it's where she and Ben began connecting through the Force bond.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You’ve been expecting me?” Ben stammers.</p><p>“Yes. You and…” She looks past him as Rey emerges from the hut, brushing hair back in irritation from her face.</p><p>“Ah, good. Together,” the woman says. “Good morning.”</p><p>“Good morning,” Rey responds. She stares at the newcomer, mouth slightly open. She must never have seen a Togruta before. Then she seems to remember herself. “We’re so sorry. We tried to find you last night, to ask if we could stay—”</p><p>“All are welcome on this island,” the woman reassures her. “I’m a guest here myself.”</p><p>“I’ve seen you before,” Rey exclaims, taking Ben by surprise. “I had a…a vision recently. You were in it.”</p><p>The woman smiles even wider. “I had a vision, as well. And you were in mine. Both of you. It seems the Force has made our introductions for us. What has—”</p><p>She stops abruptly. Her eyes have chanced on the silver hilt clutched in Ben’s hand. He brought it outside almost without thinking.</p><p>The Togruta looks from the saber to Ben’s face. She seems to be searching for something in his features. Then she says, “Forgive me but I know that lightsaber. May I ask how you came to have it?”</p><p>Ben’s stomach tightens. The warm welcome was too good to last. “I inherited it,” he admits, mentally bracing himself for her reaction. “From my grandfather.”</p><p>For a moment, she says nothing. When she continues, her voice is wistful. “Of course. He was tall, like you. I hope you won’t mind my saying, but there isn’t much resemblance beyond that. Otherwise I might have recognized you.”</p><p>Ben is speechless. It’s Rey who poses the obvious question. “You knew his grandfather?”</p><p>“I was his Padawan many, many years ago,” the woman explains. “But it was more than that. He was my master, yes, but he was also my friend. My family. How is it that you’re here? Did Luke send you looking for me?”</p><p>That snaps Ben back to the present. “Luke?” he asks, more heatedly than is called for.</p><p>“Luke Skywalker would be your uncle, yes? He tracked me down many years ago, on a different world, to ask me questions. He was trying to reform the order and was having trouble locating sources on Jedi history. And, certainly, he was curious to learn as much as he could about his father.”</p><p>“He never told me,” Ben says shortly.</p><p>The Togruta doesn’t respond to that, so Rey asks, “You must have known Ben’s grandmother, too?”</p><p>“I did. Padmé was a wonderful person. A brilliant and dedicated senator, beloved by the people of Naboo. She served as their queen when she was younger, did you know that?”</p><p>So many questions are burning inside him that he doesn’t know where to begin. He’s never had the opportunity to speak to anyone who actually knew his grandparents.</p><p>“I’m sure there are many things you’d like to know. And there is much the Force wants me to reveal to both of you. Why don’t we share a meal and get to know each other better? What are your names?”</p><p>He realizes Rey is waiting for him to take the lead. “I’m Ben. Son of Leia. And this is Rey.” When he motions toward her, she slips her fingers through his and squeezes encouragement.</p><p>“My name is Ahsoka. Ahsoka Tano. I’m very glad to meet you, Rey. And you, Ben, son of Leia.”<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>~~~~~</p><p><br/>
As she hands him a small wooden plate covered with roasted fish, Ahsoka proposes, “Why don’t you tell me what you already know and I’ll fill in what I can.”</p><p>“It isn’t much. My mother is Leia Organa, adopted daughter of Breha and Bail Organa, Queen and Viceroy of Alderaan.” Rey’s amazement sparks like a mild shock against his skin. “Most of my childhood was spent on Chandrila, where she was serving in the Galactic Senate. I knew she was adopted, knew her twin brother was Luke Skywalker, the last Jedi knight. When I was a kid, I heard stories about how they fought in the Rebellion together. That’s where they first met, as adults, and where she met my father. But no one ever talked about why they were adopted, or why they were split apart as children.”</p><p>Ahsoka listens carefully while Rey tries a tentative first bite of fish.</p><p>“When I was ten, they sent me to Luke’s new temple. That’s the first time I ever remember anyone mentioning Anakin Skywalker to me. But it was framed as if it was just another part of my family heritage. My grandfather was a great general who fought in the Clone Wars. My uncle blew up the Death Star and defeated the Empire. It was my turn. No one bothered to mention that Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader were the same person. I found out when everyone else did.”</p><p>Ben recalls the terrible summer when one of his mother’s political rivals somehow discovered the truth of her birth and publicly exposed her. She was driven to resign from the Senate in disgrace for concealing her parentage from the public. Who could ever trust Darth Vader’s daughter in such a position of power?</p><p>“How old were you?” Ahsoka asks quietly.</p><p>“Twenty-three. Not long before I left the temple for good.”</p><p>“You were angry at Luke for keeping that knowledge from you?”</p><p>“Among other things,” he spits. “But at least I finally understood why all three of them had been watching me my entire life. Like I was a time bomb ready to explode and they were prepared to run at a moment’s notice.”</p><p>Ahsoka lays her plate down. “I told you before you don’t resemble Anakin very closely. Physically that’s true. But there is one way you are very like him. You burn immensely bright in the Force.” She looks at Rey. “You both do. That power triggered their fear.”</p><p>Maz’s words come back to him.<em> Always looking for Anakin Skywalker in you, so determined to keep you from treading his path that they never allowed you to seek one of your own. It changed you. You are not the same person you would have been had Darth Vader never existed.</em></p><p>“I imagine many of the questions you have are the same ones Luke most wanted to know. Unfortunately, I didn’t have many of the answers he was seeking. The Anakin I knew was a great leader, a loyal friend, a passionate defender of the Republic. I don’t know why he turned to the Dark Side. For years, I thought he’d been killed on that terrible day, when the Jedi were slaughtered across the galaxy. I only learned the truth much later and it took me a very long time to accept it.”</p><p>Ahsoka leaves her low stool and walks to the cliff’s edge, gazing out at the restless sea beyond. “I never completed my Jedi training. I left the order before taking my final vows. Not because of Anakin. Because it became clear to me that I was on the wrong path, that the Jedi way and my way were not the same. I’ve often wondered, had I stayed, if his life might have taken a different course. That may be hubris but it haunts me even now.”</p><p>Rey says, “I don’t know much of anything about the Jedi order. Until I met Ben, I thought they were just a story. But where I come from, people describe them as religious fanatics. Monks, really, who gave up marriage and children. If Anakin Skywalker was so well known, such a famous general—and surrounded by people who can sense deception—how did he manage to have a secret family?”</p><p>Ahsoka sighs. “If you had asked me, at the time, to describe Anakin’s personality, I would have told you that he was almost too emotional to be a Jedi. That he was incapable of concealing those emotions. If he didn’t like a plan, or an order he was given, he would tell you. He would tell the Jedi Council directly. It got him into trouble many times. But now that I look back, I realize just how much he <em>was</em> hiding. I was with him and Padmé many times. I knew he cared about her. But the idea that they were secretly married the entire time I knew him, that she carried his children without anyone realizing, it’s nearly impossible for me to wrap my mind around.”</p><p>She turns to face them. “Then again, maybe it isn’t surprising at all. He was passionate by nature, fiercely attached to the people he loved. And he hated being told what to do.” She smiles sadly.</p><p>“Did he kill her?” Ben demands. It’s all he wants to know, the most vitally important thing he will learn here today. He realizes he is holding his breath, as if his own future hangs in the balance of Ahsoka’s answer.</p><p>The Togruta sits heavily on the stool. Her face falls and she looks every year of her age. “I don’t know, Ben. The Anakin I remember could never have done such a thing. But something truly horrific must have happened to him to make him give in to the Dark Side. Perhaps it was the pain of losing her, of thinking he had lost everything. Luke told me later that they hid his birth and your mother’s from everyone. The galaxy thought Padmé’s child died with her. Maybe Anakin did, too. I wish I could tell you more.”</p><p>Rey presses gently on his leg. He needs to get away. “I’m sorry, I have to…” He doesn’t know how to finish, so he just flees.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>~~~~~</p><p><br/>
He’s sitting on the edge of a precipice when she finds him. Watching the surf smash against the rocks again and again is oddly satisfying.</p><p>“If you want to be alone, I’ll go, but I thought you’d be frozen,” she says, laying his jacket over his shoulders. She’s wrapped in a heavy grey cloak that Ahsoka must have provided. “Do you want me to go?”</p><p>The equilibrium he’s been struggled to regain upends. “No. I don’t want you to go. But you should, Rey. For your own good.”</p><p>She slides down next to him. “Talk to me,” she begs. “Tell me what’s going on in there.”</p><p>“He killed her. I know it. You know it. Ahsoka knows it.”</p><p>“We don’t—”</p><p>“We do. Let’s not pretend. He loved her. He risked everything in his life to be with her. She was carrying his children, for kriff’s sake. And he still killed her.”</p><p>“Ben,” she says carefully, reaching for his hand, “he is <em>not</em> you. You are <em>not</em> him.”</p><p>A muscle under his eye spasms painfully. “I’m not sure anyone else shares your conviction.”</p><p>“Ahsoka knew him and she said several times how unlike him you are.”</p><p>“Ahsoka met me a few hours ago. She knows nothing about me. And she also said Anakin Skywalker was overemotional, argumentative, and disliked following orders.” He glares at her as if to ask, <em>remind you of anyone else you know?</em> “Couple that with abnormally strong Force abilities and you’ve got a real recipe for disaster.”</p><p>“You’re looking for similarities. You’ve been conditioned your entire life to believe that your story is somehow linked to his. It doesn’t have to be. Ahsoka told me after you left that Anakin was very young when he turned, younger than you were when you left Luke’s school. You could have killed your uncle that night. You could have gone to Snoke for protection, surrendered to the Dark Side. It would have been easy. But you didn’t. Never forget that, Ben. When you were faced with a choice, you chose what was right.”</p><p>She presses into his side, nuzzling his neck. Her nose is icy. “We don’t know anything about why he committed the acts he did. And ultimately, it doesn’t matter. His life is over. Yours isn’t. You get to decide how you want to spend it.”</p><p>His throat is so tight he isn’t sure he’ll be able to say the words he needs to. “If there is the slightest chance that I could <em>ever</em> hurt you—”</p><p>Rey has heard enough. She grabs his shirt collar and pulls him down to her mouth. Her lips are as cold as her nose, and her hair blows in his eyes, making it impossible to see. He’s never tasted anything sweeter.</p><p>When they break apart, sharing warm breath on chilled skin, she traces the line of his face with her fingertips and presses a kiss to the jumping muscle in his cheek. “Ahsoka says there’s an ancient Jedi temple here. She’s gone there to meditate about our conversation. She’d like to show us around the island properly tomorrow. Apparently, there are a lot of things the Force wants her to tell us.” He groans faintly. “In the meantime, I went down to the <em>Falcon</em> and collected every bit of bedding I could carry. I think we should go back to the hut, build an enormous fire, and fall asleep in each other arms.”</p><p>“It’s mid-day,” he protests, but only half-heartedly.</p><p>“Ben, the longer we’re together, the stronger this bond feels between us. It’s tangible. I can see the edges of it. I’m fixed to you, no matter where you are. Just now, I only had to follow the string to find you. Does that make sense?”</p><p>He nods. Since he reconnected to the Force on Takodana, she’s an integral facet of his perception, an empathetic presence inside his heart.</p><p>“When I say you’re exhausted, it isn’t just because I can see the evidence of it. I can <em>feel</em> it. The weight of all this, crushing you, every day.”</p><p>“I’m sorry—” he starts, but she interrupts.</p><p>“No, you’re misunderstanding me. It’s a good thing. Because you’ve always had to deal with all your burdens by yourself. So have I. But we don’t have to do that anymore. If I can feel the weight, I can help carry it. I told you that you’re not alone and I meant it. So come back with me, lie down beside me and let me be the one to hold the demons at bay for a while, okay?”</p><p>He’s always hated crying in front of anyone else, even as a child. It’s such a feeling of powerlessness, of shameful vulnerability. But Rey doesn’t scorn his weakness. He knows it, as intuitively as he knows how to fly a ship, how to wield a lightsaber. She’s staggered by how long he’s held out against this overwhelming pull of Darkness so hungry to swallow him alive.</p><p>She brushes each tear away with a feather-light caress. “And don’t think I’m letting you off the hook, either. This works both ways. I fully expect you to do the same for me when I’m hurting.”</p><p>“Anything. Anything you need,” he chokes, overcome.</p><p>“For right now, just be here with me. In the present, not the past. And let me be with you.”<br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ahsoka Tano was canonically born in 36BBY, which would make her around seventy years old during this story.</p><p>I'll be honest with you guys: I find canon extremely confusing in terms of who knew what, when re: Padmé, Anakin, the circumstances of her death, his fall, and their secret marriage and children. So I wrote what I wanted. </p><p>"I have spoken."</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You’ve probably realized by now that we’re near a vergence in the Force,” Ahsoka calls back as they mount the final summit. Ben nods in agreement but Rey is confused. “What’s a vergence?”</p><p>“It’s a place in the universe where the Force is more concentrated, or you might say a place where it flows more freely. Some ancient scholars believed that vergences were the apertures through which the Living Force passed beyond our plane of existence and transmuted into the Cosmic Force.”</p><p>This explanation clearly leaves Rey even more baffled. Ben catches her up on the trail, leans forward and whispers, “Think of the drain in the bathtub at Maz’s.” A look of understanding, then amused gratitude, crosses her face.</p><p>He adds more loudly, “They’re also called nexus points. A lot of them were identified by early Jedi and Sith as places where they made pilgrimages or built sacred sites. Coruscant, for example. Or Mustafar.” Ahsoka glances back sympathetically but Rey obviously does not know the significance of that name. “There’s one on Lothal I visited as a teenager.”</p><p>“This place is known as Temple Island and this—” Ahsoka indicates the ancient stone structure hollowed from the rock itself, “—is perhaps the first Jedi temple ever constructed in the galaxy.”</p><p>“The temple is the vergence?” Rey wonders.</p><p>“No, the vergence itself is on the opposite side of the island. It’s referred to as the Mirror Cave in the sacred texts.”</p><p>The mention of <em>sacred texts</em> piques Ben’s interest. His favorite pursuits at Skywalker’s school always tended toward the academic. Somewhere in the back of one of the <em>Falcon’s</em> hidden storage compartments is a small chest holding a battered calligraphy set. His mother gave it to him when he left Chandrila, with a plea that he would write home often while he was away. He did but she rarely found time to answer.</p><p>The temple itself is a vast, open space with a hewn stone staircase at one end, leading up to a meditation plinth that overlooks the sea. The only other detail of any interest is a small pool set into the center of the floor. Its bottom is decorated with a mosaic, smooth stones arranged in the shape of a figure.</p><p>“This is said to be the Prime Jedi,” Ahsoka explains. “Some believe it’s a study of an actual person, the first member of the order. Others claim it’s a visual representation of the state of meditation and balance.” The figure is half black and half white, with a two-tone bladed weapon splitting its form straight down the middle.</p><p>Ben has seen this image before. No—Rey has. “This was in your vision, wasn’t it?” he asks.</p><p>“Yes,” she confirms, kneeling for a closer look at the artwork. “What do you suppose that means?”</p><p>Ahsoka has crossed the open chamber and is looking out toward the sea. “I have a theory that might help explain,” she offers. “It might surprise you to learn that the vergence on this island is considered strong in the Dark Side. You may wonder why a Jedi temple was erected here. But the earliest Jedi didn’t believe in a Force divided into all Light and all Darkness. They honored the will of the Force as a whole, in all its complexity. It was ten thousand years after the order formed that it separated itself into Dark- and Lightsiders, when the Sith emerged.”</p><p>She lowers herself down on the stone steps and continues, “There are those—and I include myself in this—who feel a call to the Light but do not believe that the Jedi way is the only way. I personally found the code to be too rigid, the Council too dogmatic. They lost sight of true compassion and offered only empty platitudes. They alienated themselves so fully from emotion and attachment that they forgot what it truly means to be alive. This is all my opinion, of course.”</p><p>Ahsoka looks at Ben. “You’ve heard of the Jedi Master, Obi-Wan Kenobi?”</p><p>Ben snorts uncomfortably. “I was named after him.”</p><p>“Really? Huh. The Force works in mysterious ways. Master Kenobi believed that Anakin was the Chosen One, the one destined to bring balance to the Force. There was even talk that Anakin was so strong in the Force, he might be a living vergence.”</p><p>Ben is startled. “I’ve never heard of such a thing.”</p><p>“Do you think he was the Chosen One?” Rey asks. She’s still kneeling by the pool, staring at the bifurcated figure.</p><p>“I don’t know. But if that was his destiny, it’s not clear to me that he achieved it. Luke believed that by turning away from the Dark Side at the very end of his life, he restored balance to the Force. I’m not convinced by that argument.”</p><p>“You said you had a theory?” Ben prods.</p><p>“Yes, and it’s only that. A theory. But I’ve been traveling around the galaxy studying Force lore for decades now. And several years ago, when I first arrived here on Ahch-To, I began to have visions that seemed to support my idea. There is a prophesy of two who are one, who will come together in a way not seen in the galaxy for a thousand years. The sacred texts call it a Dyad.”</p><p>Ben feels a queer vibration run through him, as if a gong has been struck inside his body. Rey’s head snaps up as suddenly as if he has shouted her name. She’s trembling, too.</p><p>Ahsoka stands and crosses slowly to the head of the pool. “Balance is the foundational concept in any study of the Force. The question that divides most sects is how best to achieve that balance. What if the Force attempted to use Anakin Skywalker for that purpose, but it required filling him with power so immense that it was ultimately his undoing? And what if now, the Force is attempting to correct that mistake by dividing the power between two bodies that share a single soul? Each containing Light <em>and</em> Dark, though perhaps inverse in their proportions.” She gestures down to the mosaic. “What if the image represents two people holding each other in equipoise, perhaps along a knife’s edge, but steady just the same?”</p><p>Ben can’t seem to catch his breath. “You’re saying you think Rey and I are that Dyad in the Force?”</p><p>“It’s a theory I’ve been considering for a while, without knowing anything about you as individuals. The fact that you’re Anakin’s grandson…” She trails off. “No one individual, of any species, is entirely good or evil. And it would seem, if all the scholarship is at all accurate, that the Force would not care to use anyone who was. Shadows cannot exist without light. Light is flat and dimensionless without shadows. It only seems logical that if the Force desires to come into true balance, it would employ two rather than one.”</p><p>“But what does that mean?” Rey demands, standing up and backing away from the pool. Her agitation is so strong that ripples begin to pulse through its shallow water. “What is the purpose of this Dyad? What does ‘balancing’ the Force even mean?”</p><p>“The Dyad is believed to be a mythical confluence of immense power. The Sith are said to have patterned themselves on it, only allowing one master and one apprentice to exist at any given time. They called it the ‘Rule of Two,’ as though they could coerce the Force into producing one. As far as I know, it never worked.”</p><p>Ben feels a wave of revulsion. If Snoke were ever to hear any of this…</p><p>Ahsoka is still addressing Rey, “There are few texts that mention the Dyad directly. Those that do anticipate its power to end conflicts.”</p><p>“You mean fight in a war? Like the Rebellion against the Empire?”</p><p>“Possibly. It’s my belief that that interpretation is too limited. I think one of the failings of the Jedi Council was involving the order too much in military conflicts. They became a tool of destruction by their own consent. The Force desires creation and destruction in equal measure, but only insofar as is necessary. This year’s crop cannot be raised until last year’s crop is returned to the earth as its nourishment. If you’re asking me my own view, I don’t believe the Force encourages war, only intervening at the last moment by throwing innocent lives in the way, to stop the conflict through self-sacrifice. That seems cruel to me, and in all my years I have never experienced the Force as cruel.”</p><p>“So how do you interpret ‘ending conflicts?’” Ben questions.</p><p>“It could mean that the authors of the texts were thinking too narrowly. Or it could mean that the ending of the conflict occurs not on the battlefield, but earlier. Before the battle begins. Through diplomacy. Or education.”</p><p>Ben can’t help himself. He bursts out in derisive laughter. “So the key to galactic peace is that I have to spend the rest of my life back at Jedi school?”</p><p>Ahsoka smiles indulgently. “Perhaps not a Jedi school. Perhaps a Force school that teaches a different path. A middle way. One that embraces those who feel different, outcast, more influenced by Darkness. But instead of telling them they must reject who they are, it lifts them to the Light and helps them reconcile the two. Or it helps those who tend toward the Light to understand that they still have shadows deep inside, and that those shadows are not something evil to be denied or destroyed, but something vital to be recognized and respected. Imagine gifting that kind of compassionate acceptance to the universe, the power that would have.”</p><p>Her words echo through the cavernous space around them. They feel momentous, as if Ahsoka Tano is the conduit through which the Cosmic Force is communicating its will directly to their ears.</p><p>Then she chuckles. “Of course, I could be completely wrong about absolutely all of this.”<br/><br/></p><p>~~~~</p><p><br/>The moon rises full over the water. Rey sits on the stone plinth, Ben just behind, arms wrapped tightly around her. In the distance, they can see the twinkling lanterns of the small settlement on the northern shore of the island. Before she returned to her hut for the night, Ahsoka explained that this second village is home to a group of creatures called the Lanais, who’ve served as caretakers of the holy site and its buildings for millennia.</p><p>Only the females live on Ahch-To; the males of the species spend most of their lives at sea. But about once a month, the males return home to replenish the fish stocks with their catch, and the reunited community celebrates for several days.</p><p>“Sounds like they’re having one hell of a party,” Ben observes, as snatches of music drift across the inlet on a biting wind.</p><p>“Ahsoka said they wouldn’t mind if we joined them. She mentioned they’ve been steering clear since we arrived, but that if we intend to stay we’ll see them around the huts more often.” She shifts slightly to face him. “Do we? Intend to stay?”</p><p>“Is this your subtle way of telling me you’ve changed your mind about going back to Jakku?”</p><p>“Definitely not. Let the past die. Isn’t that what we agreed?”</p><p>He kisses the tip her nose. “It’s what you recommended. I don’t actually recall agreeing.”</p><p>“Comes to the same thing, doesn’t it?” she teases.</p><p>“I can’t believe you haven’t run away screaming yet. As if it wasn’t bad enough to get kidnapped by a petty criminal—”<br/><br/>“<em>Accidentally</em> kidnapped,” she amends.</p><p>“—and dragged across the galaxy, being shot at by the First Order. As if listening to me whine about my awful childhood wasn’t punishment enough—”</p><p>“You never whined,” she protests.</p><p>“—to be told there’s a chance that you are literally shackled to me for life? That I’m not melodramatic; I am, in fact, Darkness Incarnate here to cancel out your goodness—”</p><p>“That is <em>not</em> what she said!” Rey interrupts with a laugh, pressing her palm over his mouth. “She said we <em>both</em> contain Dark and Light, ‘though perhaps inverse in their proportions.’ And I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but you are melodramatic.”</p><p>He kisses the inside of her palm, once, twice, three times, trailing his lips down her arm to the inside of her wrist. “Do you think Ahsoka is right? Do you think you and I are a Dyad in the Force?”</p><p>“I want it to be true. It’s a beautiful story.”</p><p>“How are you not more upset by this?” he persists. “After everything I’ve told you about how damaged I am, my dysfunctional family? The First Order is after me because I’m related to a lunatic that murdered his wife. How can you possibly look so pleased about this?”</p><p>Her eyes are achingly soft in the moonlight. “All my life, all I ever wanted was to belong to someone, and for someone to belong to me. To think that the Force always intended for you and I to be together? That it took all these extraordinary steps to make sure we found each other? How could that be upsetting? It’s miraculous.”</p><p>“You’re miraculous,” he murmurs, not even caring how sentimental he sounds, how Han and Chewie would harass him until the end of days for saying anything so mawkish.</p><p>She smiles hugely. “As a matter of fact, I’m freezing. Can we head back now, please?”</p><p>He presses a kiss to her temple. “Lead the way.”</p><p>“I can’t wait to get in front of the fire. Remember to look before you lie down tonight.”</p><p>“How was I supposed to know a—what was it called?”</p><p>“A porg,” she laughs.</p><p>“—a porg was hiding in the blankets?”</p><p>“You jumped a meter, at least.”</p><p>“It screeched so loudly you’d have thought I skewered it.”</p><p>“You do weigh roughly a hundred times what it does,” she calls back over her shoulder as she picks her way carefully down the path. “Still, for all that, it seemed to like you…”</p><p><em>So this is happiness</em>, he thinks. Sharing memories that bring laughter, not sorrow. Trusting someone to be beside you for every tomorrow to come. Wanting that more than anything.</p><p>Ben could get used to this.<br/><br/></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He wakes long after midnight. Rey is sound asleep next to him, curled up in several threadbare blankets from the <em>Falcon</em>, both hands tucked snug under her chin.</p><p>There’s a whispering, a cajoling murmur slinking through the air around him. He’s been vaguely aware of it ever since they arrived on Ahch-To but it’s much louder now. It’s trying to get his attention, he feels it. And he knows exactly what it is.</p><p>Ahsoka said it was called the Mirror Cave, that it was strong in the Dark Side. He senses how desperately it wants to draw him away from the comfort of this makeshift bed. <strong><em>Come to us</em>,</strong> it hisses. <strong><em>Come and see what we would show you.</em></strong></p><p>It’s not that he’s tempted to turn to the Dark. But he is curious, <em>so</em> curious, to know how it will try to sway him. If Maz and Ahsoka are right about the unparalleled nature of this connection between him and Rey, surely Snoke must sense it now that Ben has rejoined the Force. He has as good as hung a target on her back. He has to know what tactics Snoke might use, if he is going to protect her. At least that’s what he tells himself, as he slips his arm out from under her and pulls his boots on silently in the dying light of the fire.</p><p>The waning moon still casts a strong silvery light, throwing every stone on the path into sharp relief. He can almost see the smoky tendrils coaxing him forward. <strong><em>You belong with us</em>,</strong> it simpers. <strong><em>We knew you from the first</em>.</strong></p><p>The air on Ahch-To is always cold, but there is another stratum of cold underneath the air. It seeps into his bones as he approaches the eastern end of the island. He can feel his spirit diminishing by fractions. The Darkness always slips in with every doubt, every shame, and insinuates itself deeply enough to start fissures running in all directions. You are fragile enough to shatter before you realize what has happened.</p><p>He wants to get this over with quickly, to get back before Rey wakes and finds him gone. Ahsoka told them that she comes to the Mirror Cave on occasion to study it; she was in the cave when they first landed, which is why they did not sense her presence on the island. “The Force behaves differently inside the vergence. It’s unpredictable, even volatile.” She told them she lived on the island for nearly two years before she ventured inside. Ben doesn’t have that kind of time.</p><p>At the ocean’s edge, he discovers a large, circular opening in the stone. Thick, wet seaweed encircles its rim. Frigid air blasts straight upward, lifting his hair as he leans forward to try and perceive what lies beneath. <strong><em>Your heart is restless</em>,</strong> it croons. <strong><em>You find no peace. Because peace is a lie. Come to us. We will show you truth.</em></strong></p><p>Once, he might have believed the assertion that peace was a lie. But peace is waiting for him back at the hut, soft and warm and honey-sweet. It strikes him suddenly how very dangerous this is, to be alone in this place in the middle of the night. Maybe the Darkness does not mean to tempt him at all. Maybe it only means to remove him as a threat. He has no idea what awaits on the other side of this threshold. He could be falling to his death, leaving Rey alone in the universe just as they have found each other.</p><p>It is that thought that makes Ben jump back, intent on abandoning this stupid plan and returning to the safety of the settlement. Whether he slips on the slick, rubbery vine, or it grabs hold and pulls him down, he will never be certain. Seconds later he is submerged in icy water, piercing his skin like thousands of needles and stealing all the oxygen from his lungs. He breaks the surface gasping and shaking.</p><p>The cave is inky black. Only the last rays of moonlight manage to make their way in through the opening directly above his head. He’s treading water in a small cave, open on one side to the sea. The other side has only a narrow ledge.</p><p>He swims for the ledge and clamors up, soaked to the skin and hideously cold. Oddly, the whispers seem to have died down now that they have lured him this far.</p><p>There is ancient power here, he can feel it reverberating through every molecule of his body. He waits for a moment, wondering if the vergence will offer him an encounter like Luke once had on the planet Dagobah, when he confronted a specter of Darth Vader and instead realized his deepest fear was his own inner darkness. That wouldn’t be any kind of revelation for Ben.</p><p>But no one else appears on the ledge. He has his lightsaber—he would never be reckless enough to carry Anakin’s weapon into a place as steeped in Darkness as this—but he is careful not to touch it. He has read accounts of vergences that respond directly to the intruder; pulling a saber would be the quickest way to provoke a counter-attack.</p><p>And so he waits, the only sound the steady lapping of the waves against the stone beneath his sopping boots. As the moon sinks in the sky outside, the angle of its beams changes, and they fall on the stone wall behind him. But it isn’t stone. It’s smooth and glossy, like smoky glass. Of course. Mirror Cave.</p><p>What is he supposed to do? Stare into the reflective surface to see his true nature? Or images of his wildest dreams? Maybe he is supposed to pose a question of some kind. But what does he most want to know?</p><p>
  <em>Am I capable of the terrible things they all fear I am? That I fear I am?</em>
</p><p>His mind is assaulted with disjointed images. Somehow, they are there on the surface of the mirror, like watching a holo, but also solid and clear around him. He sees a dark, masked figure with a red saber slaughtering people in a driving rain. He thinks he is seeing Darth Vader, but when the figure turns he realizes the mask is wrong, it’s someone else…</p><p><strong><em>You are capable of greatness,</em></strong> the whispers promise. <strong><em>Terrible greatness.</em></strong></p><p>He sees his parents, and Skywalker, writhing in agony as he punishes them for years of neglect and mistreatment. Feels the surge of righteous anger and satisfaction that courses through him while they suffer.</p><p>He sees Snoke, sliced in half by his saber. Dead by Ben’s hand and never again able to threaten him or those his loves.</p><p>He sees the imposing, cloaked figure that he now recognizes as himself, seated on a black throne in a scarlet room. Rey is beside him, but not Rey, a woman altogether more viciously alluring.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Together your power would be unmatched, unassailable. No one in the galaxy could dare to touch what was rightfully yours.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>You would never be alone again.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Embrace your destiny.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>It’s wrong, all wrong. His stomach twists at the sight of her cruel but arresting smile.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Would you turn your back on the gifts you have been given, unrivaled in a hundred generations? Would you watch helpless as your home burns?</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>Now it’s Rey screaming in anguish, suspended in mid-air as Snoke shreds her mind to tatters. It’s his parents and Skywalker dying brutal, empty deaths in the war to come. It’s…two small children, maybe three years old. One brown haired, one black, both with their mother’s puckish dimples. They fade before his eyes and he knows they are the family he will never have because he will lose Rey the only woman he will ever love—</p><p>His knees jar with searing pain as he hits the stone hard, vomiting up the salt water he swallowed when he fell. His skin is clammy and his teeth chatter.</p><p><strong><em>Through passion you gain strength</em></strong><strong>, </strong>the whispers inveigle, even as they begin to fade. <strong><em>Claim your inheritance. Do not fear your awesome power.</em></strong></p><p>He is reminded of the Voice, of its constant reassurances that all would be well in Ben’s world if only he would reject everything he had been taught was right. For one moment of wild panic, he is certain that Snoke is just behind the mirror, working his strings like the children’s puppet master at the library on Chandrila.</p><p>But then he understands. Snoke and the Dark Side simply employ the same tired leverage: desire and fear. The mirror tried to tempt him with all his most reprehensible fantasies. But when that failed to work, its tactic quickly changed to threats.</p><p>Turn and gain, or fail to turn and lose.</p><p>Ben can choose to succumb to whichever argument moves him more.</p><p>The end result is the same.</p><p>~~~~~</p><p><br/>The sun is rising as he drags himself onto the rocks beyond the cave. The only way out was to swim. The tides around the island are immensely strong and he collapses on a slimy pile of kelp, utterly exhausted.</p><p>It’s only now, when he is outside the interference of the vergence, that he can taste Rey’s terror. She’s awake and knows he is gone from the hut, missing entirely from the web of the Force that threads around and through the island. He wants to get up and run to her but the muscles in his arms and legs are numb from the glacial water.</p><p>He slips in and out of awareness for a few minutes. And then she is there, flying down the slope, cloak trailing behind her like some beautiful, plumed shore bird. She’s shouting his name, again and again, then cradling his cold cheeks and shaking him back into his body.</p><p>“Come on, up you go,” she grunts, pulling hard on his arms. He’s too heavy, everything weighs too much to possibly move. “You have to help me here, Ben. Can you put your arms around my neck?” She braces her legs against the closest rock, pulling and tugging until she has him sitting up.</p><p>“Let’s get these off,” she orders. He doesn’t understand what she’s doing. The blood in his veins has crystalized and stopped flowing altogether. Rey is coaxing his sodden jacket and shirt off, and he’s not providing much help.</p><p>“Is now the best moment?” he manages, through jaws clenched hard to keep his teeth still. She expels a rough breath of relief.</p><p>“You are in there. Good to know.” She yanks the long, heavy cloak free and wraps it around his torso as many times as she can, rubbing his arms and hands vigorously to get warmth back into them. His head clears a tiny bit.</p><p>“As soon as I’m sure you’re going to live, I may murder you myself,” she growls, molding herself tight around him. “What were you thinking?”</p><p>“Called to me,” he tries to explain. His tongue feels swollen, his throat raw. “Like the saber with you.”</p><p>“But why would you answer? And why would you ever do it alone? You could have been <em>killed</em>, Ben.”</p><p>“Had to find out…what it would do. Needed to understand. To protect you.”</p><p>“This isn’t about you protecting me!” she barks. “We protect each other. And I can’t do that if you sneak off without me in the dead of night!”</p><p>“Sorry,” he grunts. He’s not used to feeling like anyone cares where he goes or what he does. When he’s finally able to lift his head off her shoulder, her face is stark white and pinched with anxiety. He’s responsible for that. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>Rey pushes the hair back from his eyes. It’s gritty with brine. “Did you learn anything?”</p><p>In a way, the sluggishness of his brain helps. It distills all he just experienced down to its essence, the only thing that matters.</p><p>“Not what it wanted,” he rasps. He leans his forehead against hers and concentrates all his energy on picturing two small faces, similar but different. Rey chokes on a sob. “The future…I shouldn’t be afraid of it.”<br/><br/></p><p>~~~~~</p><p><br/>He sleeps most of the day, after Rey helps him back to the hut. When he pushes past the fabric door, late afternoon sunshine paints every dome golden-grey. The familiar swoop of sabers lets him know that Ahsoka is once again leading Rey in practicing fighting forms. She’s learning extremely quickly.</p><p>They’re moving in perfect unison on a level field not far from the settlement. A mother porg and her hatchlings watch from a nearby nest, turning their heads comically with each pass the women make.</p><p>Ben sits cross-legged on a rock ledge to watch. His clothing is mostly dry and the sun warms his back pleasantly. He’s reminded of his own early days of training, how daunting everything had seemed. How enormous the responsibility of wielding the powers he’d been given. Did he ever once look as exultant as Rey does now?</p><p>“You went to the Mirror Cave,” Ahsoka says. It’s a statement of fact, not an accusation.</p><p>“It called me,” he tells her, as he told Rey. “It wanted to show me something.”</p><p>“Something you needed?”</p><p>He considers her words. He thought he asked the vergence to tell him that he is not capable of indiscriminate evil. Instead, it assured him that he is.</p><p>“Something it thought I wanted. And maybe once, it might have been right.” He glances at Rey. “Not anymore.”</p><p>Ahsoka nods with understanding. “I’m guessing it didn’t take the refusal very well.”</p><p>Ben shakes his head. “I had visions of death and destruction. Terrible loss. I was powerless to stop any of it.”</p><p>“The Dark Side lies, Ben. You know that.”</p><p><em>Does it always lie?</em> he wonders. <em>Or does it tell us things that shouldn’t be true, though they sometimes are?</em></p><p>“If you ever want to return to the cave, I won’t stop you. But it would be safer for you if you let one of us go with you.”</p><p>“Ben won’t be going back to the cave,” Rey announces confidently. “Unfortunately, we need to leave soon.”</p><p>“We do?” he questions, surprised.</p><p>“While you were asleep I went down to check that everything was alright with the <em>Falcon</em>. There was a message from Maz. She managed to escape Takodana but she needs our help. She needs us to meet her somewhere on the other side of the Outer Rim. A little moon called Ajan Kloss.”</p><p>Ben goes rigid. “No. Absolutely not. No way in hell am I going to kriffing Ajan Kloss.”</p><p>Ahsoka and Rey both look mildly shocked at the vehemence of his outburst.</p><p>“I’ve never heard of it, but clearly you have?”</p><p>He huffs in disgust. “I ought to. It belongs to my mother.”<br/><br/></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The Code of the Sith:</p><p>"Peace is a lie. There is only Passion.<br/>Through Passion I gain Strength.<br/>Through Strength I gain Power.<br/>Through Power I gain Victory.<br/>Through Victory my chains are Broken.<br/>The Force shall free me."</p><p>So, you kind, lovely people: I think I'm taking next week off from posting. Online school is AWFUL, we had a minor family medical emergency, and I'm *really* exhausted this week. I'm mid-way through writing the last arc of five chapters but I'm too tired to judge whether it's any good. Hopefully I can get some free time this weekend and see where I am.</p><p>I also feel like I should add a word of...caution seems too strong? But something like that. I am really trying to write an internal story of someone starting on the road back from a lifetime of trauma. And I'm trying to write something that centers on love and compassion as the instruments that help achieve that. I'm consciously avoiding the traditionally "masculine" resolutions like a big battle. So this story will not end with a big, climactic throne room scene with Ben slaying all his problems in the form of a single person. It will be much quieter than that. I just don't want anyone feeling disappointed if 5 million ships and Force lightning aren't there for the big finish. :-)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>You may be saying to yourself, dear reader, "You are a lying liar who lies. You said you were not going to post today and yet you did." And you are right. Guilty as charged.</p><p>In my defense: 1) I had a pretty productive weekend. I've completed through chapter fourteen, and I've got the final chapter outlined. 2) I severely underestimated how addicted I am to your kind comments. It's sort of the only thing getting me through the horror that is online schooling.</p><p>Hope you like it. :-)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There is no clearer proof of his devotion to this woman, Ben Solo reflects grimly, than that he is currently on his way to Ajan Kloss.</p><p>If anyone had asked him, even a few weeks ago, about his relationship with his mother, he would have told them to mind their own kriffing business and promptly decked them for the impertinence. And yet here he is—piloting the <em>Millennium Falcon</em>, no less—to a quasi-family reunion. Rey is beside him, trying not to look smug about the whole thing. It’s a dream wrapped in a nightmare.</p><p>He didn’t give in quickly; she at least had to wear him down. <em>Maz needs our help</em>, she argued at first. Ben is dubious about that claim. Given his conversations with Maz before they fled Takodana, he finds it highly suspect that the woman just happened to end up on the same moon as his mother.</p><p>When that didn’t work, Rey began to mention in passing how much she would like to meet his family someday. This tactic earned her a number of pronounced eye rolls.</p><p>Then, on what turned out to be their final night on Ahch-To, curled together in front of the turf fire, Rey reminded him of how lonely her own life had been growing up on Jakku. How she would have given anything to know her own parents.</p><p>“Surely you have some happy memories of your childhood?” she had asked him gently.</p><p>And he does, though he has buried them deep for many years. Off-world trips with his father when he was small, visits to the Hanna City Wild Game Reserve and the capitol building with his mother. He remembers Leia reading him Alderaanian myths and legends before bedtime, and teaching him to letter by hand when he was almost too little to hold the stylus. That night, he found himself telling Rey about the calligraphy set locked away inside the ship. She found the story very significant.</p><p>“Don’t you see? That gift was important enough to you that you saved it all these years. Even after the lowest moment between you and Leia, you never threw it away.”</p><p>And then she landed the mortal blow to his resolve.</p><p>“Let the past die, remember? You can’t be fully here with me if a huge part of you is forever trapped at that school. If you can’t forgive your mother for her sake, forgive her for your own. You need to make peace with it, whatever that means for you.”</p><p>“Can’t it mean never speaking to any of them again and forgetting they exist?” he moaned.</p><p>“Sweetheart, it’s been seven years. Have you forgotten yet?”</p><p>In retrospect, the fact that she called him <em>sweetheart </em>is probably what did him in.</p><p>So here he sits, two days out from Ahch-To, hurtling toward a reckoning he had planned to evade forever.</p><p>Rey is tinkering with the wiring in the main control panel. She’s determined to remove the offending fuel pump before handing the <em>Falcon</em> back over to Han. Which reminds Ben, he really should try to raise Han again on comms. They haven’t been in contact since before his little side-trip to Jakku upended the entire course of his future. Chewie will be ecstatic. He’s been ribbing Ben for years about leaving the Jedi but keeping the celibacy.</p><p>Though, strictly speaking, Ben hasn’t given up the celibacy just yet.</p><p>Not that he’s complaining. He’s only known this woman for a few weeks. And truth be told, he hasn’t wanted to press the issue because he’s embarrassed to admit his lack of experience with such things. Hasn’t he made enough mortifying confessions to last a lifetime already?</p><p>But Rey is kneeling beside him on the floor of the cockpit, her hair falling against his thigh as she tries to peer under the console. He can’t help the thoughts that start to flood his brain, the images that seem to come from nowhere. The tips of his ears are burning, he can feel it. He knows she can probably sense the direction of his thoughts because she tenses a little and clears her throat.</p><p>“Your mother owns this moon?” she asks, voice cracking enough that his worst fears are confirmed. Should he be grateful she’s pretending not to notice his desire, or hurt she’s so eager to ignore it?</p><p>“I’m not sure about the legal definition of ownership when it comes to an uninhabited moon. All I know is that Ajan Kloss was first mapped by Alderaanian scouts during my grandmother Breha’s reign. They didn’t officially register it with the Empire because they wanted to use it as a base of operations for the Rebellion. Ultimately, they couldn’t. Some of the battle lines were too close to the Celanon Spur.”</p><p>“That’s a hyperspace route, right?”</p><p>Ben nods. “A busy one. Runs through that piece of the Outer Rim. Too much hostile traffic to make for a good base, but my grandparents hung onto it anyway. They ended up using it as a sort of secret stronghold, somewhere they could retrench if things went badly with the war. After Alderaan was destroyed, I guess you could say my mother inherited it.”</p><p>“Have you ever been there?” she asks, moving back to her seat.</p><p>“No, but I’ve suspected for years that she was running her new Resistance operation from there. Too much smuggler activity and comm chatter all focused on the Cademimu sector. Frankly, I’m amazed the First Order hasn’t attacked them yet.”</p><p>“Maybe the First Order isn’t as strong as you think,” she suggests.</p><p>“Possibly. But from what I’ve heard, the Resistance is in such pathetic shape an Odupiendo racing club could take them out.”</p><p>“And what is that?” Rey chuckles.</p><p>“Something they do on Naboo. Giant, flightless birds. They run around on tracks. Forget I mentioned it.”</p><p>She beams at him, then climbs out of the co-pilot’s chair to press a lingering kiss to his upturned mouth.</p><p>“What was that for?” he asks hoarsely.</p><p>“You are <em>so</em> awful at jokes. But I love that you keep trying.”</p><p>~~~~~</p><p><br/>
“Let’s hope they have a fuel depot on Ajan Kloss. We’ll be coasting in on fumes at this rate,” Rey observes.</p><p>“There aren’t any good options for refuel or -supply in this part of the galaxy. The only charted world out here is Lehon. Some people still call it by its old name, Rakata Prime.”</p><p>“Why can’t we stop there?” Rey wonders.</p><p>“There’s nothing there now. It’s a wasteland surrounded by rings of ship debris. It was a battlefield during the Jedi Civil War, something like four thousand years ago. Revan was there, as a Jedi <em>and</em> a Sith.”</p><p>She squints at him. “You still expect me to believe you didn’t enjoy being a Jedi student?”</p><p>“Switch off,” he says mildly.</p><p>“Who’s Revan, then?” she asks.</p><p>“He’s legendary. Began as a Jedi but fell to the Dark Side and became a Sith Lord, Darth Revan. Then he was captured but lost all his memories, and the Council made him a knight again. He fell in love with another Jedi, Bastila Shan. She was the one who captured him, dragged him back to the Light. Then <em>she</em> turned to the Dark Side but eventually found her way back. She also played a big part in the battle on Rakata. They married and apparently had one of the strongest Force bonds ever known.”</p><p>“What an amazing story. They overcame so much to be together. It’s inspiring.”</p><p>“Didn’t end well,” he points out, face clouding. “The Council didn’t approve of their marriage. They considered love a heresy. Revan left not long after to go on some quest against the Sith. Bastila was carrying their child. She never saw him again.”</p><p>“That’s terrible!” she cries. “You should have stopped after the first part.”</p><p>“Some of those philosophies that Ahsoka was describing, a middle way? Revan and Bastila would have been all for those. They didn’t believe in suppressing emotion or avoiding personal attachment. That’s why they were always at odds with the Jedi Council.”</p><p>“I can’t say I understand that reasoning. Wouldn’t love make you stronger, give you something to fight for?”</p><p>“Ideally, but it also gives you something to lose. And despair, if you lose it.”</p><p>“Still worth it,” she declares, looking at him steadily. He nods.</p><p>“Did your uncle expect all his students to give up love and marriage, children? That seems cruel to me.”</p><p>“He obviously never married. I’m not sure how he would have handled it if two of his students had fallen in love.”</p><p>“That never happened? No flirtations at the Skywalker temple? No one sneaking off to ‘meditate’ together?”</p><p>He chuckles. “Not that I ever heard about. Certainly not that I participated in, if that’s what you’re asking.”</p><p>When he glances over to gauge her reaction, she’s chewing her lip. “Out with it,” he orders, though it’s pretty clear where the conversation is going.</p><p>“Have you ever—?”</p><p>“No. Have you?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>After nearly a minute of silence, Rey blows out a long, noisy breath. “<em>Stars</em>, I feel so much better.”</p><p>It’s not the response he’s anticipating. “You do?”</p><p>She shakes her head vigorously. “I’ve been so nervous I’ve been giving myself stomach aches for at least a week.”</p><p>“Nervous about what?” He’s astonished.</p><p>“About not knowing what I’m supposed to do or…be doing,” she finishes lamely. “I just assumed that you would already. Know, I mean.”</p><p>When Ben looks up sharply, shame-faced, she hastily amends, “I don’t mean it as a bad thing. I just mean that you’ve traveled all over the galaxy and you’re…well, look at you.”</p><p>Her meaning is plain enough, if difficult for him to believe, even after weeks of closeness between them. “Yeah, look at me. Lived as a monk until I was in my twenties, then fled an abusive family for a life of crime. Alone. For seven years.” His tone is acid. “What a prize.”</p><p>“Don’t take this the wrong way,” she pleads, “but I’m…glad. We get to figure this out together, too. Just like everything else.” She gives him a small, endearing smile that dissolves his irritation.</p><p>“I wish you had told me that it was bothering you. Or asked me sooner. I hate that you’ve been making yourself sick over this.”</p><p>She picks distractedly at the hard seam of the chair, cheeks a decidedly appealing shade of magenta. “Clearly we both need practice with communicating. Should I start? Ben, would you like to switch on the autopilot and come back to the sleeping quarters with me?”</p><p>
  <em>Just say yes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Don’t say something kriffing stupid like: what, now?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Don’t comment on the size of the bunks. Or how clean they are (not).</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just say YES.</em>
</p><p>Instead, what comes out when he opens his mouth is a near whisper. “Are you sure?”</p><p>
  <em>Moron. Di’kut. Koochu. Is it any wonder you are this old and still—</em>
</p><p>“Very,” she assures him.</p><p>She’s still nervous. He can feel the eddies in the air between them, as if the cabin is filled with invisible Endorian blue butterflies. But underlying that is a calm pool of certainty that is both astounding and soothing.</p><p>How can a person feel so agitated and so tranquil at the same time? He wants her to teach him.</p><p>~~~~~</p><p><br/>
He’ll never be able to explain—not that he would—how they manage it. The bunk is too small, and the ship is a cesspool. He can’t even process the fact that something this momentous is happening on the <em>Falcon</em>. He’ll just…put that away for another time. Even Ben Solo is not stupid enough to suggest to this gorgeous, eager woman that they wait for anything as asinine as a nicer room.</p><p>At least they have access to a shower. And once his already overwhelmed brain lands on that shattering realization, and all the possibilities that follow, he’s barely capable of any higher thought.</p><p>He hits his head more than once on the low ceiling, which just makes Rey laugh and offer to kiss away his injuries. It would never have occurred to him that one of the best parts of any of this would be the simple act of laughing with someone. And she is joyous, damn near shining in the low light of the compartment.</p><p>They say very little, but it’s a comfortable, breathless sort of silence. Some experiences are too large for words to carry. Even without speaking, they are linked. Her voice fills his mind and he can feel the sensation of his own touch from her skin. It’s a heady rush, like an ouroboros or—</p><p>—<em>a closed circuit</em>, she supplies, giggling against his hair. <em>A feedback loop? Should we dig out your old pens and make a li—</em></p><p>As it happens, Rey is very ticklish, so he is able to put a quick stop to <em>that</em> nonsense.</p><p>~~~~~</p><p><br/>
They somehow end up on the floor. It’s just easier, and hardly less comfortable than the bunk.</p><p>He’s dozing in and out of a hazy dream, something about falling water and fields of wild flowers. His head is resting on Rey’s stomach and she’s running her fingers through his hair again and again, possibly the most perfect thing he’s felt tonight. It’s quite a catalog. When she speaks, he feels the words as much as hears them.</p><p>“I was right, wasn’t I?”</p><p>“Probably. About what?”</p><p>“About love being worth everything, even the risk of pain.”</p><p>He tightens his hold around her waist. “Yes, you were right.”</p><p>“Bastila and Revan knew it, thumbing their noses at the Council and running away together.”</p><p>“The Jedi are fools,” he says without heat. “Even if I hadn’t thought so before, tonight would definitely have convinced me.”</p><p>She shakes with silent laughter. “Why do you say that?”</p><p>He yawns. “We had to recite this mantra all the time, to help us meditate and center ourselves. It’s called the Jedi Code. I won’t bore you with the whole thing but the first line goes, <em>There is no emotion, there is peace. </em>Another is: <em>There is no passion, there is serenity. </em>I’m sure, after everything I’ve told you, you can appreciate how completely unhelpful that was to me.”</p><p>“Are they trying to suggest that those things are actually true, or is it more like something to aspire to?”</p><p>“More aspirational but even then, it was so far outside my experience that it seemed impossible to the point of absurdity. I could chant, <em>I don’t need to breathe</em>, for a hundred years but that would never make it true.”</p><p>“It sounds like Ahsoka was on to something when she said the Jedi became so emotionless they forgot how to actually live.”</p><p>“Maybe it works for some people,” he concedes. He’s in a generous mood. “Luke seemed content enough with his choices. But it never worked for me.”</p><p>“Then I’m glad you left.”</p><p>“So am I,” he says. “But, uh, on the list of things I want to be thinking about right now, there isn’t much below Luke Skywalker or the Jedi code.”</p><p>“Both of which, you brought up,” she teases. “I was talking about love.”</p><p>He nuzzles her hip. “Tell me more about that.”</p><p>But she doesn’t say anything. He tilts his head back to look at her and the expression on her face steals the breath from his lungs.</p><p>
  <em>I love you.</em>
</p><p>Each seems to draw the feeling from the other, colliding in the center air in shining brilliance before suffusing the room in a swirling tumult of color and light and shadow. The Force blazes with satisfaction.</p><p>“Never leave,” he pleads.</p><p>“Never,” she promises.<br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“There’s still time to turn around,” he mumbles as they make their final approach to the coordinates Maz provided on Ajan Kloss.</p><p>“Be brave,” Rey encourages. “You can do this. I’ll help you.”</p><p>Her hair is tied in a messy knot, still wet from the shower. It was arguably the single most brilliant inspiration of his life and makes him want to leave the ship even less, if that were possible. Is he beginning to warm toward the <em>Falcon</em>? No, definitely not. He just really, <em>really</em> doesn’t want to face his mother.</p><p>Ajan Kloss is greener and more lushly forested than Takodana. “This one’s a jungle biome. Hot and humid, according to these readings,” Rey announces to break the tension. When Ben doesn’t answer, she leans across and squeezes him forearm. He imagines streaks of stardust trailing from her fingertips onto his body. Maker, he is gone for this woman.</p><p>“It’ll be alright,” she promises, and he can almost believe that it’s true.</p><p>They put the <em>Falcon</em> down on a strip of barely-cleared land next to a one-story stone bunker. It’s as unimpressive as he expected. They’re probably powering the place by having some fathiers turn a wheel or something.</p><p>She’s here. He can sense her. He thinks he might vomit.</p><p>His mother emerges from the entrance to the bunker, looking exactly as he remembers. He can feel the rigid control she is struggling to maintain over her own emotions. He takes after her in that regard, even if he was never as good at it as she is. Being able to lock away pain and grief and fear is a skill she needed to survive, he knows that. He just wishes they hadn’t both been quite so good at holding people at arm’s length.</p><p>“Ben, you’re finally here.” Her voice is low and rough with feeling.</p><p>He nods, afraid to do more. “Mother, this is Rey. Rey, this is my mother, Leia Organa, Princess of Alderaan, senator, commanding general of the Resistance.”</p><p>“Leia is more than enough,” she says with an embarrassed shake of the head. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Rey.”</p><p>Rey looks at Ben uncertainly, smiles at Leia. “You heard we were coming?”</p><p>“Oh, yes. You two have been quite the subject of conversation these past few weeks. Among a very small group,” she hastens to reassure a scowling Ben.</p><p>“Maz isn’t here, is she?” he demands.</p><p>“No, but she’s headed in this direction. She was able to contact your father and Chewie and they’re bringing her here soon. In the meantime, she’s helping Han sort out some mess he made shipping rancors—?”</p><p>“Rathtars,” Ben and Rey correct in unison.</p><p>“Why not? Nothing ever surprises me where Han is concerned.”</p><p>“Mother,” Ben says warningly.</p><p>Leia holds up a hand. “Forgive me. Old habits. You must have had a long journey. Are you hungry, thirsty, tired?” She’s being uncharacteristically maternal, he decides.</p><p>“We need fuel,” Ben says shortly. “It would be nice to eat something other than dried fish. Where is everybody?” He can’t resist gibing, “Or are you literally the last member of the Resistance?”</p><p>“Why, are you looking to volunteer? Ajan Kloss is not our main base of operations in the Outer Rim right now. I’m here doing advance work for our people to move back. We’re preparing some tactical actions that might result in us needing to make a quick getaway. I’m sure you’ll keep all that under wraps.” She winks at Rey, who looks as though she is already falling under Leia’s spell.</p><p>The older woman leads the way into the bunker, cluttered with stacks of crates and a few pieces of ground transport that have all seen better days.</p><p>“Are you here alone?” Rey wonders.</p><p>“Just myself and my operations controller, Lieutenant Connix. She’s conducting an inventory of our secondary facility right now. It’s a few kilometers from here. I wanted to stay close, not knowing when you might arrive.”</p><p>When they are settled in what passes for a mess hall, a few small boxes of provisions scattered open on the table, Leia addresses Ben, “Should I start with small talk, ask Rey to tell me about herself, or would that strike you as disrespectful?”</p><p>Ben’s heart begins to skip painfully in his chest. In some ways, this confrontation is more agonizing than having to see Luke again. He and Luke were never close. He adored his mother, which made her betrayal the harder one to bear.</p><p>Rey presses his hand under the table. She’s offering support but he also senses her uncertainty. <em>Do you want me to give you two privacy?</em></p><p>“No, stay,” he tells her under his breath, not missing Leia’s eyes dart between them. She’s doing what she does best, assessing a situation, seeing what she’s up against in a negotiation. He admires her skill even as he resents the idea that she is strategizing how best to repair their broken relationship. How to regain a lost ally.</p><p>He answers her directness with his own. “I had no intention of coming here. We were happy where we were. Maz claimed she needed help, I was dubious. But Rey thought it was something we needed to do.” <em>Be brave</em>, she had urged him. “That I needed to do.”</p><p>Leia nods. “Then I owe you my thanks, Rey, for persuading my son to see me again.”</p><p>“You don’t owe me anything,” Rey says, not unkindly. “You owe Ben something, though.”</p><p><em>Stars</em>, he loves her.</p><p>If his mother is surprised, or offended, to be called out by a total stranger, she doesn’t let on. She’s a consummate diplomat. “You’re right, I do. I’m sorry, Ben. Sorry for how I handled things. I can’t regret wanting to give my brother the benefit of the doubt, but I recognize that it came at your expense. And for that I truly apologize.”</p><p>“You’re still defending him?” His hands are shaking, but Rey’s are steady and strong.</p><p>“I’m not. I promise you, I’m not. I love both of you. I wanted to protect <em>both</em> of you. I didn’t do it the way I should have and you got hurt. And I’ll never forgive myself for that.”</p><p>“Where is he now?” Ben doesn’t realize he wants to know until he hears himself asking.</p><p>“Luke? He’s still teaching at the temple. After what happened that night, he came to me directly. He was torn apart with guilt, Ben. He wanted to leave the school, said he wasn’t fit to be around anyone’s children. I made him go back. I told him he owed it to you to do better. We all did.”</p><p>He isn’t sure what to think about that. Leia continues, “More than anything, he’d like the opportunity to tell you himself how ashamed he is of his actions.” He’s shaking his head before she finishes. “I understand you may not want that. At least, not yet. Just know that the offer is there, if that day ever comes.”</p><p>There it is. The apology he’s been spurning and longing for in equal measure for seven years.</p><p><em>What do I do now?</em> he begs Rey desperately.</p><p><em>You get to decide that,</em> she tells him.</p><p>“What’s going on with your war,” is all he can come up with to say.</p><p>“I’m pretty sure it doesn’t belong to me personally,” she responds drily. “The First Order has been making increasingly aggressive forays out of the Unknown Regions. Our intel suggests they’re building some kind of super weapon. With Luke’s help, I was able to persuade the Senate to increase the perimeter defenses in the Hosnian System. That’s about all they’ve been willing to do. They won’t believe me until Snoke knocks on their door.”</p><p>He looks at her, startled that she has spoken the name out loud.</p><p>“Ben, I know what you did. I felt it, the minute you disappeared from the Force. I was frantic to find you. I reached out to your father and he confirmed that you…you cut yourself off.” She glances at Rey. “Obviously that’s changed now.”</p><p>A thought strikes him. “Have you been keeping tabs on me through Dad all this time? I thought you two weren’t speaking to each other anymore?”</p><p>“Your father and I weren’t able to make things work in our marriage, Ben, but that doesn’t mean we stopped loving each other. When you share something like that—when you share a child—that tie is never really gone. But no, I haven’t been ‘keeping tabs’ on you. When I have had occasion to talk to Han, can you blame me for wanting to make sure my son was alive and well?”</p><p>She looks older, sadder when she adds, “I’m glad at least one good thing came out of all this. The two of you were able to salvage a relationship, at least. I know you both still blame me for sending you to the temple in the first place.”</p><p>“I didn’t want to go!” Ben cries. “I never wanted to be a Jedi. You knew that.”</p><p>“I did,” she admits, her voice breaking for the first time. “You wanted to be a pilot, like your dad. And look at you, son. You overcame every obstacle life set in your path and built the life <em>you</em> wanted. I’m proud of you.”</p><p>“No, you’re not,” he spits. It’s all too much. “You’re not proud of me. You haven’t known what to do with me since I was born. You lied to me, you shut me away from everyone, and when I was ten years old, you got rid of me.” A tear slips down Leia’s face but she doesn’t fight back. “How many times did you ever bother to visit me in that place? Alone, no friends, feeling like a freak? You asked me to write you letters and you hardly ever bothered to write back!” He is a child again, drowning in the agony of rejection as his parents wave goodbye without looking back.</p><p>Ben wants to run, wants to storm out of here and find a deep cavern in which to hide. He wants Rey to stroke his hair and laugh with him in the dark. He wants to stop hurting.</p><p>“You know,” Leia says thickly, swiping the wetness from her cheek, “no one ever tells you when you have a baby that it will be the most difficult thing you ever do, and no matter what you do or how hard you try, you’ll be terrible at it. Some just worry that they’re not good enough. Others, like me and your father, are actually bad at it. And I could go into all the reasons why that was so but believe me when I tell you, Ben, none of them were about you. Your dad and I loved each other, but we weren’t good together and we weren’t good for you.”</p><p>She pours herself a glass of water from the bottle on the table. Ben notices that her hands are shaking as much as his.</p><p>“You were so small when the nightmares started. And nothing we could do would make them go away. You were such an energetic, funny little boy and I watched you fade right in front of my eyes. Like a house plant shut away from the sunshine, just withering. Then your powers started to manifest and it terrified you even more than it did us. You were a tiny ghost, haunting your own room. Dark circles under your eyes, sleepwalking through your childhood. Nothing has ever hurt me as much as not being able to protect you from that.”</p><p>She looks at him with pleading eyes. “Your father and I debated and argued and cried and begged the Maker or anyone else who would listen to help you. Sending you to Luke was the only option that seemed like it would have any effect. He felt the training and the meditation would steady you. We were desperate to believe it. We would have done anything, Ben. Leaving you behind was the worst day of my entire life. I couldn’t get out of bed for a week after we got back to Chandrila. Never, ever think that your dad and I didn’t love you or want you.”</p><p>Rey rests her forehead on his shoulder. She’s crying and so is he.</p><p>“I wanted to come see you and write to you. I won’t pretend that my work in the Senate didn’t keep me busy. But I was afraid that it would make it harder for you to build a life there if I kept reminding you of home. It felt selfish of me. Maybe I was just being a coward. If I went to see you or wrote to you and learned that you were as happy as we hoped you’d be—if you didn’t need us anymore—it might be for the best, but it would have broken my heart all over again. I’m sorry, Ben. That’s a sacrifice I should have been willing to make. I know now how unhappy you were all those years.”</p><p>“You were afraid I was too much like your father,” he whimpers.</p><p>Leia looks stricken. “No, son. I was afraid I was.”</p><p>~~~~~</p><p><br/>His mother never thought he was a monster.</p><p>His father never thought he was a monster.</p><p>He’s numb. Drained. Like a limp rag, wrung out and dropped on the ground.</p><p>“Is there anything I can do?” Rey whispers. She found him sitting here in the cockpit and sat down on the floor beside him, leaning her head against his leg. She hasn’t said a word in a quarter-hour, just stayed so he wouldn’t be alone.</p><p>“You pushed me to come here.”</p><p>“Should I not have?” she questions.</p><p>“If you hadn’t, I never would have known the truth. I would always have thought they hated me.”</p><p>“They love you, Ben. They’re flawed and they’ve made mistakes, just like everyone else. But they love you.” She nestles her head against his knee. “You are loved. And you deserve to be.”</p><p>“Come here,” he begs raggedly. She climbs into the chair, fitting herself around his body.</p><p>“What happens next?” she asks.</p><p>“I have no idea. I’m in uncharted space here. For right now, I think I’d just like to sleep for a while. Maybe a month or so. With you next to me.”</p><p>“Sounds perfect,” she kisses the soft hollow beneath his ear.</p><p>After that, who knows?</p><p>He’ll figure it out tomorrow.<br/><br/></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben’s desperate for caf when he wakes up. Rey is already out of bed and, he realizes quickly, gone from the ship. He’s headed for the galley to see what he can forage when he hears the familiar whir of a lightsaber. It’s coming from outside.</p><p>Rey’s Force signature is tranquil; she’s not in any danger. He makes his way to the cockpit and peers down. From this high angle, he can just see the top of her head as she practices with an old training remote he dug out of one of the built-ins.</p><p>“When did you realize you had Force abilities?” he hears her ask.</p><p>His mother answers, “I don’t really think of myself as having Force abilities. That’s Luke’s area of interest. I’ve always just considered myself intuitive. Good at reading people.”</p><p>“You never wanted to be a Jedi?” As Rey dodges and lunges around the remote, he can see more of her.</p><p>“Never. Fighting with a laser sword was not for me. I wanted to be a peacemaker. I know, look at where I’ve ended up. Ironic, isn’t it?”</p><p>“General Organa—”</p><p>“Please call me Leia,” the older woman requests.</p><p>“Leia,” Rey says bashfully, “Ben told me that your birth mother was the Queen of Naboo and your adopted mother was the Queen of Alderaan. You were raised an actual princess.”</p><p>“Yes, well, I had about as much patience with that as I did with the idea of being a Jedi. Though I will admit that my family’s political power and financial resources both came in very handy when I began working for the Rebellion.”</p><p>“It wasn’t a difficult choice, then? Giving up…whatever princesses have?”</p><p>“If anything, the choice was made for me. Alderaan was destroyed and my parents were killed when I was younger than you are now.”</p><p>“That must have been horrible for you. I’m so sorry.” Rey stops looking at the remote for a moment and gets a swift shock to the back for her inattention.</p><p>“It was a long time ago,” his mother says, so softly he almost can’t hear her. “But you’re kind to say it.”</p><p>Rey calls the remote to her hand to power it down, apparently without even thinking about it. Ben can’t help the tiny thrill of pride it gives him. She heads in closer to the ship, disappearing from his view. “I have no memory of my mother,” she explains quietly. “I’m so glad you and Ben are talking again.”</p><p>“I suspect most of the credit for that belongs to you,” Leia replies. “He seems happier than I’ve ever known him to be. Tell me, is he still having the nightmares?”</p><p>He should probably be angry that his mother is asking Rey for this sort of information, rather than him. Then again, he’s the one eavesdropping on their conversation.</p><p>“No, he isn’t.” Rey hesitates. “I don’t think he would mind me telling you that.”</p><p>“Forgive me, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I know I need to work up the courage to talk to my son directly.”</p><p>That’s too good of a cue to miss, so Ben leaves the cockpit and heads for the ramp. “Talk to me directly about what?” he calls.</p><p>“About how you’re feeling these days,” Leia responds without missing a beat. “And good morning to you.”</p><p>“Morning.” He’d like to hold Rey’s hand but she’s juggling the saber and the remote. It may be a childish desire but touching her grounds him. “Right now, I’m feeling like I need caf.”</p><p>“That happens to be one thing we are not short of,” Leia chuckles, waving at them to follow her inside.</p><p>“The rumors are true then?”</p><p>“Which rumors? There are so many of them. Let me guess. Everyone has deserted and we’re in imminent danger of collapse. The galaxy is too afraid of the First Order to help us. The galaxy can’t be bothered to help us. We’re dangerously low on supplies but out of funds. We have funds but no one will sell to us.”</p><p>“Is that what they call a ‘non-denial denial’ in the business?”</p><p>Leia snickers. “So I did teach you something on all those trips to the Senate.”</p><p>“What are you low on?” He isn’t sure why he is asking. He’s always avoided any type of transaction with the Resistance, for obvious reasons.</p><p>“What aren’t we low on? We got a small batch of medical supplies not long ago but they always evaporate quickly. Uniforms, provisions, tools, replacement parts for our vehicles, munitions, explosives...you name it, we could put it to use.”</p><p>He can’t believe he is even considering getting involved in this mess. “I’m not an arms dealer, but some of those other things, I might be able to help with.”</p><p>Leia stops walking. “Son, truly, I’m not asking you to—”</p><p>“I know you’re not. I’m offering. But I can’t make any promises. If anyone gets wind of the fact that I’m moving cargo for you, my suppliers will dry up fast.”</p><p>“I can’t allow you to put your livelihood in jeopardy,” Leia protests.</p><p>“Funny, I don’t ever remember you calling it a ‘livelihood’ when it was Dad doing it.” His amusement is genuine and Rey is grinning. “I think I may be overdue to change professions, anyway.”<br/><br/></p><p>~~~~~</p><p><br/>“Trust me. Close your eyes and you’ll get fewer shocks. It sounds counter-intuitive, I know. But it’s true.”</p><p>Rey is dubious. “How can I possibly defend myself if I can’t see the shot coming?”</p><p>“By the time you see it coming, it’s too late. Your sight is actually interfering with your ability to sense the bolt. If you close your eyes and focus on the fluctuations in the Force around you, you’ll feel the surge of power inside the remote long before you see the flash in front of you.”</p><p>Rey quirks an eyebrow, to let him know she remains unconvinced. She turns back toward the small, hovering device she’s been practicing with all afternoon. Ben can’t resist leaning in to murmur in her ear, “Want me to cover your eyes?”</p><p>“Maybe later,” she shoots back wickedly over her shoulder, igniting the saber. The remote begins firing as Ben erupts into shocked laughter.</p><p>Leia appears at his side. “That’s a sound I haven’t heard in too long,” she observes. “It’s good to hear it again.” They stand together in companionable silence and watch Rey train. Now that her eyes are closed, she is deflecting every shot easily.</p><p>“I told you,” he calls.</p><p>“Switch off,” she retorts, but her tone is light.</p><p>“Rey wasn’t a Jedi student, was she?”</p><p>“No, why?”</p><p>“I was just wondering how she came to have a lightsaber.”</p><p>“That’s mine,” Ben explains.</p><p>Leia looks confused. “Then what’s this one you’re wearing?” She points to the saber hanging from his belt loop.</p><p>He hesitates for a moment, considers not telling her. But then he remembers how much he detested having things kept from him. He pulls the saber free and holds it out for her inspection. “This one belonged to your father,” he says.</p><p>“My—?” She is visibly shocked. “How do you have it?” She makes no move to take or even touch the weapon.</p><p>“According to Luke, it passed from Anakin Skywalker, to Ben Kenobi, to him. He lost it during the Rebellion. Then it found its way to Maz; I have no idea how. She just gave it to me on Takodana.”</p><p>Leia gives him a look he can’t quite interpret. “And you prefer to use this one to your own?”</p><p>He can’t entirely suppress the insidious whisper that is still there, though much quieter now. Was she lying when she said she didn’t fear his similarities to Anakin?</p><p>“No, I prefer my own. But I couldn’t let Rey use this one.” He isn’t sure how to explain further but she understands him.</p><p>“It isn’t just me, then? You feel the strange energy it’s giving off, too?”</p><p>He’s surprised, though why should he be? His mother may not choose to think of herself as Force sensitive but she is.</p><p>“Any lightsaber you don’t build yourself never feels entirely right, but yeah, this one is…unusual.” He thinks of the forest on Takodana, how simply touching the saber had made him feel as if something or someone was there in the glade with him. Can an object be haunted, he wonders?</p><p>“You know,” Leia says softly, eyes locked on the hilt he is still holding out to her, “I was never able to make peace with him like your uncle was. Luke firmly believed that Vader came back to the Light in the final minutes of his life. In his mind, that was enough to undo all the damage that came before. I guess Luke is the better person. I’ve never truly been able to forgive Vader for everything he did.” She looks up at Ben, face strained. “Which is terribly hypocritical, given that I’ve asked you to forgive my mistakes.”</p><p>“I wouldn't put the things you did and the things he did in the same category,” he argues.</p><p>Leia sighs. “He was selfish, always putting his own desires ahead of the rules, ahead of the common good. It cost him his family. In my darker moods, I wonder if that’s so different from what I did, focusing all my energy on the Senate and the Resistance, sending my child away. It’s why I’m afraid sometimes that I’m too much like him.”</p><p>Ben has never had any inkling that his mother thinks about Anakin Skywalker, let alone compares herself to him. “You devoted your life to public service,” he objects. “I’d hardly call that selfish.”</p><p>“But wasn’t the price too high? I told myself I was trying to make the galaxy a better place for all its children. Meanwhile, my own son was suffering and alone.” He doesn’t know how to answer her.</p><p>Rey finishes her session with the remote and makes her way over to join them. Leia’s expression brightens.</p><p>“It was so nice to hear you ask about my mothers, Rey. It’s odd, I think of them that way, as my ‘mothers.’ But my father was Bail Organa. I feel no connection to…” She trails off, nodding toward the saber. “Luke was raised as a Skywalker, so I think he had less trouble finding his place in Anakin’s story. I never had any interest in taking on that name or anything that came with it. The legacy, one might say. I’m sorry all that fell on you, Ben.”</p><p>“It fell on you first,” he points out. “Just the memory of Anakin Skywalker cost you a long, distinguished career in the Senate.” His mother shrugs, a gesture with which he is intimately familiar—dismissing something as inconsequential when it actually causes you intense pain.</p><p>“I would love to hear more about your mothers,” Rey declares. “What Alderaan was like. Or growing up as a princess. Wait, does that make Ben some kind of prince?”</p><p>Leia slips her arm through the younger woman’s. “No, I’m afraid not. And believe me, no one was angrier about that than Ben when he first figured it out. He was about six years old…” She walks with Rey to a group of durasteel crates lining the landing area and they sit together as Leia tells her the rest of the story.</p><p>Ben watches them from across the field for a moment. The old habit of keeping his distance feels comfortable and safe. He decides to join them anyway.<br/><br/></p><p>~~~~~</p><p><br/>“You know, I was thinking,” Rey says, slipping back into the bunk with him. He takes up so much space that she ends up mostly stretched across his bare back. “We never really talked about the vision I had. Some of the things I saw have already happened. Maybe the other things will mean something to you.”</p><p>“You want to tell me about it?” he asks sleepily, voice muffled somewhat by the fabric of the thin pillow.</p><p>“To be honest, I’m surprised you haven’t asked me about it already,” she responds, pressing a line of delicate kisses to the nape of his neck.</p><p>“Visions are difficult things to unpack and easy to misinterpret. They’re meant for the person who sees them, at least that’s what I was taught.”</p><p>“But Maz thought the lightsaber might have been calling to you, that I only intercepted the signal. Oh!” she exclaims, “Is that because of the Dyad? You and I are all tangled together so I heard it calling you?”</p><p>“We don’t know that that’s true. About the saber, I mean. It could absolutely have been calling to you. There are all kinds of stories of people coming into their Force abilities through singular events like that. An encounter with an object or another person just triggers something.”</p><p>She considers this. “I think there are things in the vision that were definitely <em>about</em> me. But were they meant for me, or meant to tell you about me?”</p><p>“Does it matter?” he wonders, catching her hand as it slides down his arm and pressing it to his mouth. “Didn’t Ahsoka say we’re one soul in two bodies?”</p><p>“She did say that, didn’t she?” Rey murmurs against his earlobe.</p><p>“I thought you wanted to tell me about this vision? You keep that up and it will have to wait a while.”</p><p>“Fair point,” she concedes with a final peck. “It was very confusing and disjointed. I’m not sure I can describe it to you exactly as I saw it. It all happened so quickly, just a series of flashes. They felt real and frightening. I saw a little girl left behind as a ship flew away. No need to be a great Jedi mystic to decipher that. I saw Ahsoka and the black and white artwork from the pool. The next part is confusing. I saw a figure in a mask, or maybe more than one. The figure was always dressed in dark robes but the mask seemed to shift and change. And there was a woman—I thought it might be me but now I’m not sure—with a saber staff. It was yellow, or gold, I think? So bright it nearly blinded me. Then there was a man with a green face, staring down as if he hated me—”</p><p>“That’s Luke, the night he attacked me,” Ben supplies.</p><p>“I wondered about that.”</p><p>He shifts and rolls over beneath her, settling his hands in the bend of her hips. “Anything else?”</p><p>“I saw us fighting with lightsabers. Or I thought we were fighting but now I wonder if we were just sparring for practice? And I saw a place I’ve never been, a large building by water.”</p><p>“Not Maz’s?”</p><p>“No, this was somewhere else.”</p><p>He thinks about what she’s described, tracing small circles against her skin with his thumbs. “Sounds like your vision was more pleasant than mine. Less bloodshed. No surprise there.”</p><p>“You saw good things, too,” she says quietly, and they are both transfixed by a memory of curly heads and bright eyes. “What if your vision was the darkest possible future and mine was the brightest? Reality might be somewhere in the middle.”</p><p>“It sounds to me like your vision was prophetic, whereas mine was a trap.”</p><p>“What exactly was being offered to tempt you? You never said.”</p><p>“Power,” he admits.</p><p>“To do what exactly?”</p><p>“To punish the people who’ve wronged me. To protect the people I love.”</p><p>Her forehead wrinkles in confusion. “I don’t understand. The Dark Side offered you something you already have?” When he doesn’t answer, she says, “Ben, you’re extraordinarily powerful. You already knew that. You’ve known it since you were a little boy. The reason you don’t go around destroying your enemies isn’t because you aren’t able to, it’s because you don’t choose to.”</p><p>There are times when someone expresses a thought so simple, yet so profound, that those listening can’t believe they haven’t always understood life through that lens. Ben feels that way now.</p><p>“You could have killed your uncle or your parents. You could have given in to the Dark and served that animal leading the First Order, slaughtering up and down the galaxy. You didn’t do any of that. And it wasn’t because you weren’t powerful enough to do it. It was because you were so powerful that you were able to hang on to what you knew was right. The call to the Light. Even when you felt abandoned by everyone, you stayed true to what you believed. The vision in the cave didn’t work on you because you could have been that person all along but you <em>chose</em> not to be. It was trying to entice you with something you’d already decided you didn’t want.”</p><p>He’s too astonished to respond.</p><p>Rey’s eyes are burning. “You were the most formidable piece on the dejarik board, so you took yourself off the table. From what I’ve heard, that’s something Anakin Skywalker would never have had the courage to do.”</p><p>He told her once that all he ever wanted was for someone to truly see him. He wonders if she imagines a better man than he actually is, one that is strong, steadfast, and decent. But since he can view the world through her eyes now, he can see that version of himself, too. He might even be starting to believe in it, just a little.<br/><br/></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry, guys, I hated the TROS retcon of Jedi Leia. For me, it totally undermines everything we have been told about her previously, in films, books and TV shows. I just fiercely hated it. The implication seems to be, once again, that the only worthy characters are the Jedi.</p><p>I find it hilarious that OT fans consider Vader redeemed from two decades of murder and mayhem--including killing a room full of literal children--because he [checks notes] threw Palpatine in a hole then died. But somehow Ben is irredeemable despite: throwing away his saber, traveling to Exegol, defeating all the Knights of Ren alone, standing with Rey against Palpatine, being thrown into a canyon, climbing all the way back out on his own, bringing Rey back from the freaking dead by the power of his love for her...SMH y'all.</p><p>And may I add one more snark? I've always found it utterly hilarious that the cunning plan to hide Anakin Skywalker's son from him was to take the baby to Anakin's *only living relatives in the galaxy* and have them raise the boy AS A SKYWALKER. They couldn't even have pretended he was their son and called him Luke Lars? Good grief.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Shorter chapter today, a bit of connective tissue to get us to the final chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“It hasn’t improved with age,” Leia observes coolly. She’s surveying the lounge with distaste. It occurs to Ben for the first time that he might have inherited some of his contempt for the <em>Falcon</em> from his mother.</p><p>“Don’t let Rey hear you say that,” he advises. “She’s weirdly attached to it.”</p><p>“Yet another reason for Han to love her.”</p><p>“If she ever gets the chance to meet him. Where is he, anyway?”</p><p>“I heard from him early this morning. That’s why I came aboard, to talk to you and Rey about it.”</p><p>“Talk to Rey about what?” the woman in question wonders, emerging from the sleeping quarters with damp hair, boots clutched in her hand.</p><p>“May I?” Leia asks, gesturing to the bench. She brushes the seat cushion clear before sitting, something Ben has done a thousand times. Rey rolls her eyes in amusement at him.</p><p>“Connix is finished with the inventory. It’s time for us to return to D’Qar. That’s our primary base right now. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that is secret information that could cost hundreds of lives if it fell into the wrong hands.”</p><p>“You said you heard from Han?” Ben asks, leaning against the bulkhead as Rey pulls her boots on in the technical station chair. “Is Maz actually with him or was that whole story a shameless ploy to get me here?”</p><p>“Believe it or not, my darling, the entire galaxy does not revolve around you,” she answers lightly. “Maz really is with Han and Chewie. But whatever scheme he was caught up in with the…was it rontos?”</p><p>“Rathtars,” Ben corrects wearily.</p><p>“That’s right. Well, apparently he was in deep enough that he had to sell his ship to settle up.”</p><p>“He sold the <em>Eravana</em>? Are you serious?”</p><p>“You know your father, Ben. We should be grateful he’s even alive to tell the story.” Rey chuckles from the corner; she’s the only one who seems to find it funny. “They’re trying to find another vessel. I told Han if he hadn’t arranged transport by the time Connix and I got back to D’Qar, I’d send someone to fetch them.”</p><p>“We could do it,” Rey proposes. “This is Han’s ship, after all.”</p><p>“I told him I wasn’t sure what your plans were. He’s thrilled you got the <em>Falcon</em> back, by the way. I, uh, also mentioned that you might be open to working with the Resistance on our supply issues. He and Chewie would love to partner with you, assuming they ever find their way home.”</p><p>“He must have been so happy to hear that you and Ben are talking,” Rey says, and Leia smiles and nods at her. Then she looks at her son. “You know, I can’t speak to your talents as a smuggler, but I know for a fact what a remarkable pilot you are. I also know you’ve wanted to fly since you were small. If you ever felt like that was a job more to your liking, the Resistance can always use volunteers. As engineers, too.” Ben has told her about Rey’s gift for constructing and repairing mechanical systems.</p><p>“Tempting as that offer is, I think there’s something else we need to do more urgently.” He recounts their encounter with Ahsoka Tano on Ahch-To, and lays out the Togruta’s theory that he and Rey are a prophesied Dyad in the Force.</p><p>“And you just happened to meet on Jakku, because someone stole the <em>Falcon</em> years ago and stashed it there?” Leia asks in amazement, once he’s finished.</p><p>“Actually,” Rey clarifies, “from what I’ve heard, it changed hands at least three times after Han lost it.”</p><p>“Huh,” Leia breathes, drumming her fingers absently on the tabletop. “The Force works in mysterious ways.”</p><p>“I feel like I’m hearing that a lot lately,” Ben grumbles.</p><p>“If all that is true, it may explain something else.” His mother looks up, wary. “Please don’t get angry. Last night, Luke contacted me for the first time in ages. He sensed it when you rejoined the Force and he asked if I’d heard from you. He said he felt something else he didn’t quite understand. He called it ‘an awakening.’”</p><p>Ben folds his arms tightly across his chest. “He sensed Rey coming into her abilities.”</p><p>“I thought that might be the case so I told him that you and Rey were here. I hope that was alright,” she adds hastily. <em>Tip-toeing around my temper</em>, he realizes with shame.</p><p>“I know you have no interest in a conversation with Luke right now, but he made the offer again. He also suggested that you and Rey might want to come to the temple, that Rey might want more formal training. He’s afraid—” she glances across the room at the younger woman, “—that if he can sense you, Snoke can, too. He’s concerned you aren’t safe.”</p><p>A hot torrent of anger crashes through Ben, so intense that Rey looks up sharply.</p><p>“He’s got some kriffing nerve—” he erupts.</p><p>“Ben,” Rey cautions quietly.</p><p>“He thinks he can protect you better than I can? Better than we could protect each other?” he nearly shouts.</p><p>“He doesn’t know anything about me, and he doesn’t know the man you are today. I don’t know him, either. But why don’t we start from the assumption that he’s genuinely trying to help?”</p><p>He pushes off the wall in aggravation. Leia interjects, “Luke has been working with the Senate to develop a defensive strategy against the First Order. The New Republic is eager to have Jedi supporting whatever military effort they might have to mount. He did mention that he’d welcome any input you wanted to have on that.”</p><p>“Unbelievable,” Ben hisses. “All he has ever wanted was my power in service to his cause. And now he’s trying to suck Rey into it, too. Make us soldiers in his proxy war against the Dark Side. Mother, you are not to breathe one word to him of what I told you about Ahsoka’s theory, do you understand? I don’t want him—or Snoke—to learn anything about it before Rey and I have a chance to do more research.”</p><p>“And just how do you intend to research such a thing? Wouldn’t Luke be a valuable resource for that?”</p><p>Ben looks at Rey with a hint of hesitation. “We haven’t actually had a chance to discuss it yet. I assumed that at some point soon, we’d go back to Ahch-To and have a look at the texts Ahsoka’s consulting. See if we can make anything of this prophesy she mentioned. Whatever we do, it will be our choice, not Luke’s.”</p><p>Rey looks hesitant.</p><p>“You disagree?” he asks, surprised.</p><p>“No, I thought we’d go back to Ahch-To, as well. It’s just…I would like to meet your father. Working with him to get supplies for the Resistance would give you the opportunity to spend time with both your parents, and do real good for the galaxy. And if Luke Skywalker if looking for volunteers to take out Snoke, well, where do I sign?”</p><p>Leia chuckles with satisfaction. “I knew you and I were going to be fast friends the minute we met.”</p><p>Ben scoffs. “We can’t be on three planets at once. We’ll have to choose. Now would be a really good moment for one of those Force pushes you talked about.” If they are waiting for a sign from the cosmos, it does not arrive.</p><p>“I have to start preparations for our return journey,” Leia finally says, standing up. She reaches out to Rey. “Perhaps we should say our goodbyes now.”</p><p>The hand Rey extends is covered in black stains on every finger. “You’ve got something all over you,” Leia points out, amused.</p><p>Rey looks at Ben, posing him a silent question. He shrugs his shoulders and allows, “Go on. You can show her.”</p><p>She squeals in delight and with a quick instruction to Leia not to move, she dashes back to the sleeping quarters. A moment later she reappears, carrying a little tray and several small curling sheets of paper. “It’s just ink from this.”</p><p>Leia recognizes the object instantly. “Your pen set! You kept it all these years?” Her voice is thick with emotion. Ben nods, throat unexpectedly tight.</p><p>“He dug it out for me last night. I tried lettering but I was terrible at it, so I just sketched a few little images—” Rey is explaining, when the older woman visibly starts.</p><p>She tugs one of the smallest slips of paper from Rey’s grasp and stares at it, dumbfounded. “Did you draw this? How do you know this place?”</p><p>Rey blushes. “I had a vision a few weeks ago. Just after I met Ben. Do <em>you</em> know this place?”</p><p>“Yes,” Leia says shakily, “yes, I know it. This is my mother’s house on Naboo. After the truth about our birth came out publicly, her family transferred ownership of the property to me and Luke as her rightful heirs. It’s been empty for years.”</p><p>She turns the drawing toward Ben, so he can see the dark blue outline of graceful, rounded towers sloping down to a water’s edge.</p><p>“Is this the sign you were looking for?”<br/><br/></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Buckle up benches, we're going to Varykino!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A thin shaft of sunshine skirts the heavy velvet drapes, casting a beaded pattern across the wall. Through the light, dust motes spin and dance. The air is thick with it; it seems to muffle everything, even the sound of Ben’s own thoughts. The house, the entire island, feels as though it is holding its breath. Waiting for something yet to be.</p><p>He’s been through a dozen rooms like this so far, each statelier than the last, but a vague sense of melancholy is seeping through him. Every room is nearly empty. Only a few pieces of furniture remain, draped in cloth to seal them away from the ravages of time, however ineffectually. They remind him of corpses, prepared for burial then abandoned.</p><p>Pushing the fabric carefully back —he wasn’t so cautious in a previous room and nearly choked on the cloud it released—he can see a wild, overgrown hillside dropping into a tranquil lake. It’s beautiful but also somehow lifeless. The landscape seems to cry out for boats drifting by on the waves, young ones at play on the shore, lovers entwined in the grass swaying just below the window’s edge.</p><p>As if called forth by the thought, he hears a high, sweet giggle. It can only be a child but the house is empty. It has been for years, Leia told them so. Ben turns sharply though he’s alone in the room. He makes for the nearest door, which opens into a foyer with a grand staircase leading to the upper floors. Coming around the ornate newel post, he catches sight of a mop of curly hair, hiding on the landing above.</p><p>It’s darker at the top of the stairs; all the largest windows are carefully covered. But then he spies a figure moving toward the child. He’s transfixed, not alarmed, as the woman catches the tiny one up in her arms. The girl shrieks with delight, dissolving into fits of echoing laughter. <em>I have you now, little nightblossom! </em>he hears in his mind. <em>Shall we go find your brother?</em></p><p>Ben lets out a sharp huff and the mother and daughter with matching dimples smile down at him, before dissolving back into the future he finally allows himself to see. He wants it so badly he can scarcely breathe.</p><p>The Rey of his present is in a circular room with large, unglazed window frames open to the outdoors. It’s one of the few bright and airy places left in the house, though drifts of dried leaves are scattered across the floor. She’s reading a data pad his mother gave them before they took their leave of her on Ajan Kloss.</p><p>“I think this is the one called the Room of Morning Mists,” she says as he joins her. “Isn’t that the showiest name? Apparently, some poet used to live here and wrote a terribly famous epic in this very room.”</p><p>“Sounds like the sort of name a poet would come up with,” he quips. As he looks at her, he can’t help but overlay the vision he just experienced, the Rey of his future, mother of his children. His heart might not be equipped to hold all the love he has for her, even now. “What else does it say?”</p><p>“Why don’t we go to the terrace and I’ll tell you? It’s incredible out there.”</p><p>Once outside, they perch on a stone railing nearly invisible under flowering vines reaching up from the lakeshore below. The air is rich with the scent of them, almost cloying in its sweetness. Rey gazes out over the water, then surveys the house, taking in all its tattered magnificence. “Do you know, a month ago I had never left Jakku. This is my fourth new planet in as many weeks, and somehow every one is prettier than the last.”</p><p>“Maybe your standards are just low,” he teases. As splendid as the house must have been in its heyday, it’s clearly past its prime. The terrace is uneven where the soil has sunk beneath it. The stone walls are cracked and straining against the weight of untended plant life. Some of the red roof tiles are broken or missing altogether, smashed to pieces on the ground below.</p><p>Rey wrinkles her nose at him. He can’t resist leaning in to kiss it, which makes her flush in that way that never fails to speed his pulse. “Have you learned anything else from your research?”</p><p>“It’s called Varykino and apparently it’s several hundred years old. It used to belong to the Royal Family of Naboo but then it was bought by your grandmother’s family, the Naberries. That was even before she was elected queen. Your mother has notes here from a conversation she had with someone called Nandi Minnau, who used to work in the house.” She glances up at him, raising an eyebrow. “She was here once when your grandparents stayed. Together.”</p><p>“Really?” For some reason, this surprises him. He has a hard time imaging young Anakin Skywalker and Padmé Amidala Naberrie existing in this place, stars in their eyes for each other. He’s so used to thinking only of the devastation left in their wake.</p><p>Rey nods. “Sometime before the Clone Wars began, when your grandmother was a senator. He came as a kind of bodyguard, protecting her from assassination attempts. At least, that’s what this woman told Leia. Maybe it was just a cover story.”</p><p>“Huh. I always wondered how they met.”</p><p>Rey offers him a look at the data pad. “Have you ever seen a picture of her? It’s no wonder he fell. She was stunning.”</p><p>He has seen one image of his grandmother but it was an official portrait from her reign. She was so young, so completely obscured by layers of face paint and oceans of sumptuous fabrics, that he felt he still couldn’t truly see her. This image is of a slightly older Padmé, during her term as a senator. And Rey is right, she is stunning. Intelligent hazel eyes stare back at him, framed by a tumble of glossy brown curls. He looks for himself, or for his mother, in her face but doesn’t immediately find either.</p><p>“I can’t help but imagine the two of them alone here together. She was lovely and if he looked anything like you, well…” She smiles at him mischievously. “The fact that he was a Jedi and forbidden to fall in love just makes it all the more—”</p><p>“Dangerous? Inappropriate? Illicit?”</p><p>“Romantic. You said yourself he risked everything in his life to be with her. You don’t do something like that on a whim.”</p><p>“He wasn’t just risking his own career. He was putting her in jeopardy, too. I’m not sure how romantic that is.”</p><p>“Ben, please. She was a queen, then a galactic senator. From everything I’ve read here, all this research your mother has gathered over the years, Padmé Amidala was an incredibly competent and well-respected figure. You can’t tell me she didn’t know exactly what she was doing. She married him. She bore him two children. It wasn’t just a passing fancy.”</p><p>The wind off the lake flips locks of hair into his eyes and Rey gently guides them back behind his ear. “You know, you’ve spent years measuring everything in your life against Anakin Skywalker and his failures. I think you’d be much happier if you started thinking of yourself as Padmé Amidala’s grandson instead. There’s a long tradition of public service in your female line that would make anyone proud of their family history.”</p><p>He considers his mother, all the times she was away from home. As a child, he was only able to mourn her absences, then later resent them. Now he can appreciate the self-sacrifice she has endured her entire life, all in service to a higher ideal. “You’re right,” he agrees.</p><p>“So why do you think the vision brought us here?” she asks, plucking a fat red blossom from the vine and sniffing it curiously.</p><p>He thinks of a giggling girl playing hide-and-seek in years still to come. “I think we’re meant to live here.”</p><p>The certainty of the pronouncement takes her back. “Really?”</p><p>“Uh huh. I mean, I have no idea how. It’ll take three lifetimes to make this place habitable again.”</p><p>Rey runs the blossom over the back of his hand where it grasps the railing. “I told you before, Solo. I can fix anything.”</p><p>He believes her. She’s fixed him, hasn’t she?</p><p>“Ben,” she says excitedly, “do you think maybe we’re meant to start that school here? The one Ahsoka talked about, to teach the middle way of the Force? This island would be the perfect place for something like that. There are more rooms here than a hundred people could ever use, and grounds for training. Maybe Ahsoka would move here and become an instructor—?”</p><p>“Maybe we should clear the birds out of the sleeping chambers before we start recruiting staff,” he cautions, but his tone is light.</p><p>“Will you show me how to build a lightsaber?” she requests.</p><p>He brushes his fingertips along her cheek. “Of course, I will.”</p><p>Her face turns suddenly serious. “I meant what I said. About taking Snoke down.”</p><p>“Revenge is not the Jedi way,” he recites.</p><p>“I’m not a Jedi,” she shrugs. “And neither are you. Not anymore. There’s a war coming and whether we want to or not, you and I will play some part in it. I’d prefer if we were the ones to decide what that will be.”</p><p>He nods, then kisses her temple. “That’s not a decision we have to make today.”<br/><br/></p><p>~~~~~</p><p><br/>The water is warm as a bath. “Don’t let go,” Rey implores. She’s not exactly frightened but definitely not comfortable in the water.</p><p>“I won’t,” he promises. “Trust me.”</p><p>The late afternoon sun paints the stone walls of Varykino a fiery orange.</p><p>“If I didn’t trust you, I wouldn’t be here.” She presses her lips against his and long strands of wet hair fan around his face. When she smiles at him, he kisses one cheek, then the other.</p><p>“The second I saw these dimples, I was doomed,” he murmurs. She bursts out laughing.</p><p>“Is that all it took?”</p><p>He shifts his hold on her under the water, sliding her even closer. “I mean, to be fair, I had been living alone for what, three decades?”</p><p>“So sad,” she clucks sympathetically. “What were you saying earlier about low standards?”</p><p>“You’re kidding, right? I have such high standards there is literally one woman for me in the entire universe. I’m lucky it <em>only</em> took me thirty years to find you.” He thumbs a spot behind her knee that is particularly ticklish and she writhes in protest. “Jakku. Always the last place you look.”</p><p>She feigns wonder. “<em>Stars</em>, Ben Solo made a decent joke.” Then she convulses with laughter as he redoubles his tickling.</p><p>Later, they rest on the narrow beach drying off in the last light of day. Rey wrings the water from her hair, braiding it loosely. “To think, a few weeks ago, I was living in the wreck of an abandoned Imperial walker,” she observes. “Now I’m at a house with its own name <em>and</em> island. With something called Translucence Cove glittering just across the bay.”</p><p>“That poet really needed to get over himself,” Ben grumbles. He’s stretched out on the warm sand, head pillowed on his arm.</p><p>“Can we just stay, then? Do we need someone’s permission or anything?”</p><p>He chuckles. “I happen to know the owners. They both owe me pretty large favors. Luke, in particular.”</p><p>She glances back at him over her shoulder, a bit shocked. “That’s bribery.”</p><p>He reaches out to trace the trail of a water drop as it slips along the curve of her back. “Think of it as aggressive negotiation.”</p><p>“Terrible,” she says, shaking her head in mock disapproval. Ben loops an arm around her waist and pulls her down next to him.</p><p>“Could you be happy here?” He slides his fingers through hers. “I mean, this house was actually built for queens. I could probably even locate some shimmersilk pillows somewhere.”</p><p>She rests her chin on his bare chest. “As long as you’re lying next to me, I’ll be happy.” She bites her lip. “Can I ask you something? Why do you think the nightmares haven’t come back since you rejoined the Force?”</p><p>Ben doesn’t hesitate. “Because of you. Since you and I connected, it’s like there’s a shield around me. An impenetrable barrier. I pity anyone that tries to get past you to hurt me.”</p><p>She looks unconvinced. “I think you give me too much credit for things that are your own doing. I think you’ve gotten stronger, better at protecting yourself. But I suppose if it’s true that we’re one and the same, it doesn’t really matter in the end.”</p><p>He pulls her closer, kissing her softly. “All I know is, I was in hell and you saved me.”</p><p>She presses her forehead to his, eyes bright with love. “I was there too, sweetheart. We just found the path and climbed out together.”<br/><br/></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks so much to everyone for reading and leaving such lovely, encouraging comments on my little story. I hope you enjoyed it!</p><p>I took one artistic liberty in this chapter. While Lake Como (where the "Varykino" scenes were filmed) does have sand beaches, none of them are around the actual house. Except in this story! We all know how much the Skywalker men love sand. :-)</p><p>Someone commented about "unpacking" everything in the story, so I thought I'd give you a brief summary of my working notes. I was thinking about the "Divine Comedy" and taking a journey of discovery through different realms and somehow we ended up here. So, very loosely, here's the story structure:</p><p>Section 1 (chapters 1-5)<br/>Maz-the oldest character @ 1,000 yrs.<br/>TFA=Takodana=the hell of the past<br/>Ben needs to let go of old hurts; his own history and Anakin's fall.<br/>Maz says, "I knew you were coming."<br/>Ben runs from the meal in the castle.<br/>Favorite feminine image: the statue of Maz with open arms, welcoming all who are willing to live in community together<br/>This section has the most traditionally "masculine" ending, a battle in which the female statue and a library of galactic knowledge are destroyed.</p><p>Section 2 (chapters 6-10)<br/>Ahsoka-the 'middle-aged' character @ 70 yrs.; sometimes called a "Grey Jedi"<br/>TLJ=Ahch-To=the purgatory or stasis of a Force in balance (set in the Unknown Regions!)<br/>Ben finds equilibrium in the Dyad.<br/>Ahsoka says, "I've been expecting you."<br/>Ben runs from the meal on the cliffs.<br/>Favorite feminine image: mother porg and her young watching Ahsoka train Rey with sabers<br/>The ending of this section is a psychological test in which Ben chooses family over violence; he also begins to let go of the fear of hurting his future family like Anakin did.</p><p>Section 3 (chapters 11-15)<br/>Leia-the youngest character @ 53 yrs.<br/>TROS=Ajan Kloss=the paradise of reconciliation with family and coming to terms with the past<br/>Rectifies the original sin of the saga by reuniting a Jedi-separated mother and child.<br/>Leia says, "Ben, you're finally here."<br/>Ben wants to run from the mess hall but doesn't. Later he is inclined to stand back from Leia and Rey but chooses to join their familial intimacy anyway.<br/>Favorite feminine image: Rey and her daughter playing together in Ben's vision of the future<br/>The ending doesn't stop a war or bring the Force into permanent balance, but Ben's wounds are healed enough that he is ready to begin doing the work of building a community and sharing his hard-earned wisdom ("Show me how to build a lightsaber?") with others.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Title is a lyric from Taylor Swift's song, "cardigan."</p></blockquote></div></div>
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